First off, you can't just put anybody next to the legendarily talented and handsome Marc Zumoff and Malik Rose. The combination of perfectly timed catchphrases and genuinely endearing homerism is one that not many broadcast crews can match. It is with a shrug that we report to you that Sixers sideline reporter Meredith Marakovits is leaving the Sixers to work for YES and the New York Yankees. Word has it she got C.C. Sabathia money. Sellout.
Bitterness aside, it's time to look for another sideline reporter. M-Squared will be lingering around Sam Young's pectoral muscles until April 4th before riding up to Yankee Stadium on the 6th, but there will still be basketball left to play upon her departure. I would say that a sideline reporter leaving mid-season doesn't require quite the adjustment period that a coach leaving would, but there's no denying that a sideline reporter has a ton of control over the outcome of the game, as long as it's not Craig Sager. That guy sucks.
So it's here and now that I'd like to start a list of names for the Sixers to target as their new sideline reporter to go along with Zumoff and Rose. Because what would we do without a sideline reporter telling us at halftime that Doug Collins would like his team to rebound better. Who said investigative journalism is dead?
Hit the jump for realistic suggestions.
- Kate Upton
- Eric Snow
- Chewbacca
- Tony Battie
- Wilma McNabb
- Donovan McNabb
- Hip-Hop
- Jennifer Lawrence
- Cousin Skeeter
- George R. R. Martin
- Jim Sipala (who wants to see ya in a Kia)
- The 1998 Denver Broncos
- Princess Peach
- Chase Utley's left knee
- Eileen from "Come on, Eileen"
- Toastioni
- Al Roker
- Terry Boot and Michael Corner
- The ghost of Louis XVI
- Jeremy Lin
- Seriously, we can't give Hip-Hop a job? That's messed up.
- ANYONE BUT DEI LYNAM
- The number 11
- Siri from your iPhone
- Tyler Perry
- Tim Tebow
- Tyler Perry presents: Tyler Perry as Tim Tebow
- Aaron McKie
- This old piece of bagel I found in my pocket
- The guy ESPN fired for the "Chink in the Armor" headline - second chances!
- HBK
Which ones are your favorites? I'm sure they're taking our advice as we speak. Imagine Chewy grilling Andre Iguodala after a tough loss. Could be some great stuff there if we only make it happen!