Let's be honest. You're not here for Klay Thompson and Ekpe Udoh. And you're certainly not here for Jodie Meeks and Lavoy Allen. You want Louis Williams and Monta Ellis, the Bosses among all Bosses, to throw down in a winner take all combo guard deathmatch to determine, once and for all, who is the ultimate Boss. They've already beaten Bruce Springsteen, Tony Soprano, Misty from Pokemon, Master Hand, Tony Danza, and Andy Samberg. We had a preview on New Year's, but all of us were too busy singing Journey while watching our platonic friends drunkenly and awkwardly hook up with each other so none of us watched. Now, it's the real deal.
Here are the rules, of which there are only five:
- Most shots taken within the first four seconds of the shot clock gets a BOSS point.
- Most songs rapped where the lyrics include "IMMA BOSS" gets a BOSS point.
- Fewest passes in the last two minutes of regulation gets a BOSS point.
- Most exasperated looks to the refs gets a BOSS point.
- Highest number of robbers taken to McDonalds mid-game gets two BOSS points.
At the end of the game, we'll know who is THA BOSS once and for all. Here are some other, significantly less-important things to worry about.
- Rebounding: Will it happen? Eh.
- Can the Sixers win a close game?
- The environment.
- Will the Sixers pull off a trade for Monta at halftime?
- How many fans will Doug Collins murder in cold blood if the Sixers turn the ball over more than 15 times?
- Is Stephen Curry cuter than Ricky Rubio?
- Will Ish Smith give Tanner the finger again?
Discuss all of these and Bossness below. Check out Golden State Of Mind for all things good and Warriory.