With the Trade Deadline staring as straight in the irises, the Sixers higher-ups are taking advantage of their two days of rest and having a closed door meeting. Ask Tom Moore if you don't believe me:
#Sixers Harris, Thorn, Aron, Collins, others to meet shortly and discuss trade possibilities prior to Thursday deadline.
See? Luckily, using intensely secret spyware technology, Liberty Ballers has recovered a partial transcript from that meeting. It's only partial because someone was farting during the first half of it, rendering the audio completely useless.
Read the exclusive fart-free conversation below.
Rod: OK FINE DOUG YOU'RE RIGHT - TOMMY WAS THE COOLEST POWER RANGER. JESUS!
Doug: Just because he's a bigot doesn't make him the coolest.
Rod: I get it, okay? I get it.
Adam: Anybody want to try some of this Raisin Bran?!?!?!
Josh: I'm thinking we should go after a shooter.
Doug: What about Jodie?
Josh: Jodie's nice and all but....
Rod: Come on Doug, we got him for Royal Ivey. You don't think an upgrade is a good idea?
Doug: I mean we just benched him. Like it just happened. Now we're going to bury him more? That'll break the kid. Plus, his dad emails me every day about it.
Adam: I'm Tweeting with Orestes nowwww!!!!!!!! Who wants cabbage?
Josh: Our goal should be to get better and win a championship. If Jodie's feelings get in the way...
Rod: We'll just leak a story about a mystery problem that's been affecting his shot. Stan Hochman eats that up.
Doug: That's what you guys did last time, right?
Doug: What was the problem you told Hochman it was?
Rod: That his dad was a Communist.
Josh: That's still topical for Stan.
Doug: Good one.
Adam: Maybe I shouldn't have had so many beans!!!!!!!!!!!
Rod: What about Noce's expiring, where can we go with that?
Doug: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're trying to trade Noce? He's our cagiest veteran! Doesn't hustle count for something?
Rod: Doug, he's terrible.
Doug: He's tough!
Josh: He does appeal to the older crowd.
Adam: Noce punched me in the throat one time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rod: If we can get a young guy and a draft pick for him, we could talk about moving up in the draft this year.
Doug: I'm sick of all these young guys, man. They don't respond to my night texts fast enough!
Josh: We've been meaning to talk to you about that, Doug.
Rod: It's probably not a great idea to text pictures of you diagramming plays in bed to the players.
Doug: What? Why?
Josh: Because you sleep naked, Doug.
Adam: I didn't know you were uncircumcised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rod: We're just saying it could get misconstrued as, you know, sexual harassment.
Doug: I'm showing them plays!
Josh: I don't know that Lou doing whatever the hell he wants is a play.
Rod: And even if it is, why do you have to be naked?
Doug: I think best in the nude.
Adam: Sometimes I shower with clothes on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doug: They're my players, if no one has complained I don't know what the problem is.
Rod: Everyone complained.
Rod: We're not making any moves, let's go throw things at Craig Brackins.
Adam: He's that tall guy right!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost as informative as reading about the Cuban Missile Crisis. Trade Deadline here we come!