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How To Talk About The Sixers And Not Mention Andrew Bynum

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A painful but necessary lesson on synonyms and depression.

Most I've seen him smile.
Most I've seen him smile.
US Presswire - Eric Hartline

It's been an interesting season thus far but it feels like we're hitting somewhat of a pre-holiday lull. Looking for something special to buy your loved one? Look no further than this 2500 page book! I'm telling you, it's a steal. I bought it for my aunt. She hasn't put it down! She actually got a divorce because she was so excited about this book.

Here's the chapter list!

How To Talk About The Sixers And Not Mention Andrew Bynum:

-- Refer to Andrew Bynum as Alastor Sheepdog. With context clues, they should get it.

-- Dazzle your audience with the spelling of "J-R-U-E"

-- Every time you want to say Bynum's name, just propel yourself into a cinder block wall .

-- "Hey that Spencer Hawes sure is Republican, ain't he?"

-- Pretend Bynum is a very close member of your family who got abducted by aliens and has been presumed dead. Any mention of him causes intense awkwardness.

-- Reflect on the foul shooting technique of Anthony Mason.

-- Ask Greg Oden to please stop showing up in your house unannounced.

-- Beat your houseguests with fake knees upon arrival.

-- Never go bowling. On Shabbas or otherwise.

-- Try convincing your cousin that signing Kwame Brown was a good idea.

-- Start purchasing Utah Flash gear, forgetting they're likely going to become the Lehigh Valley Kumquats.

-- Tell everyone it's really Dominique Wilkins on the bench.

-- Do not talk about the Sixers.

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(unrelated: go see this movie)