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Source: The Sixers Plan to Crash the Draft Lottery

When Jrue Holiday brought home that number two pick from the Draft Lottery last year, we got a taste of something delicious. Like lemon raspberry cheesecake, only less high in saturated fat. And as much as we enjoyed that night, and that cheesecake, Ed Stefanski enjoyed it more.

He fed on it for months. It was all that kept him going in the wake of the devastation that was Rod Thorn's hiring as Team President slash Dictator. He hungered for that cheesecake, and that feeling that was the number two overall pick. He wanted to defy the odds again. 18.3% at a top 3 pick was no match for him.

My sources tell me that Stefanski has a plan to push one of two team representatives into a vanishing cabinet on their way into the Lottery room. I've gathered that those teams are Cleveland and Detroit, making either Dan Gilbert's 14-year-old son Nick or Greg Monroe the likely the candidate. Because of Ed's versatility and sneaky strength, he should easily be able to handle the 5'3 Gilbert and the 6'11 Monroe without too much trouble. Gilbert does have Neurofibromatosis, which could lead to more vilification than Stef can deal with if the public gets wind of his sleuthing.

We'll be keeping you updated with all the schemes as they come in. Word has it, if Stefanski gets the #1 pick, he'll start a new franchise and draft Jimmer Fredette. Check the percentages after the jump.

Here are your lotto numbers. Last year, the Sixers would have been between Utah and Detroit.

1. Minnesota Timberwolves 25%
2. Cleveland Cavaliers, 19.9%
3. Toronto Raptors, 15.6%
4. Washington, 11.9%
5. Sacramento Kings, 8.8%
6. Utah Jazz, 6.3%
7. Detroit Pistons, 4.3%
8. Cleveland Cavaliers, 2.8%
9. Charlotte Bobcats, 1.7%
10. Milwaukee Bucks, 1.1%
11. Golden State Warriors, 0.8%
12. Utah Jazz, 0.7%
13. Phoenix Suns, 0.6%
14. Houston Rockets, 0.5%

15. Philadelphia 76ers, 98.9%