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Sixers to Play the Miami Heat. Let's Hate Them.

Since it is two years ago that the Sixers took part in a playoff game, you probably don't remember how this works. Well basketball, like life, is broken into two groups. Winners and losers. Democrats and republicans. Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift. Soccer fans and everybody else. You get the point. And it is important to hate that other group. Ask any apple -- do you think they like oranges? No, they hate oranges with a bleeding red (or green or yellow-green, etc) passion. You don't compare apples and oranges, you hold seven game series' to decide which is better.

As of last night, the Sixers became locked into the 7th seed in the playoffs. On the flip side, a win by Miami over Atlanta and a somewhat intentional Celtics loss to the Wizards cemented the dudes from South Beach into the 2-spot. Which means that the Philadelphia 76ers will be facing the Miami Heat in the first round of the playoffs. And since you haven't had anything basketball related to hate that was pro-Sixers and anti-everyone else, I've got a few reasons for which you should start loathing the Heat and the city of Miami, if you haven't already.

Reasons #1, 2, and 3: (See picture above)

More reasons after the jump.

Reason #4: LeBron James does this to Cleveland fans.

Reason #5: It's always hot there. What's up with that!?

Reason #6: I just found out that Dexter (not Pittman) is actually a TV show and not the real thing. Not cool, Miami.

Reason #7: Dan Gilbert's proper use of Comic Sans indicates we should hate them.

Reason #8: Old people move to Florida, and they're probably what's wrong with the economy.

Reason #9: Because I frequently mix up Danny Almonte and Elian Gonzalez.

Reason #10: Erik Spoelstra couldn't attempt to have a more aggravating name.

Reason #11: Eddie House tries to be BOSSier than Louis Williams.

Reason #12: James Jones will most likely hit an average of 42 three's per game.

Reason #13: 60% of the players on the roster were not on the team last year. There's something wrong with that.

Reason #14: If you want Mexican food, go to the Southwest. Come on.

Reason #15: CSI Miami should not get the ratings it does.

Reason #16: Monsoons are actually less fun than they sound.

Reason #17: They won a title with Shaq in '06. Enough already.

Reason #18: I learned when I was 9 12 18 not to cry when I lost at sports.

Reason #19: Miami-Wade County isn't a real place.

Reason #20: Seriously, LeBron James.

I hope this gives you some ammo to rev up that hate machine and make the drive down I-95 to talk some smack to the 8 Miami Heat fans milling around the American Airlines Arena. They're in for a fight. With the nation watching, we'll all need to be prepared. On that note, get ready for a playoff drinking game within the next few days.

Sixers/Heat Playoff Series. Ready your game face and potential playoff beards.

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