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Sixers Sign Tony Battie, Calamity To Follow

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This move could not have any less significance. Or at least it shouldn't. The 34-year-old Battie is Primoz Brezec and Francisco Elson with a less enjoyable name. Over the course of 13 seasons with 5 different teams, Battie averaged 6.4 points and 5.3 rebounds. With the exception of the 05-06 season playing with Dwight Howard in Orlando, his most "productive" years in Boston are way behind him. The 17% defensive rebounding percentage his past two years is indicative of his uselessness. He's one of those guys that makes you wonder how he's stayed in the league this long. And it's because people like Ed Stefanski see a name they recognize, a height above 6'8 and abandon all thought process afterward.

With Elton Brand, Marreese Speights, Spencer Hawes, and Jason Smith ahead of him, there should be zero playing time available for Battie. Zero. If he sniffs the court, it should be because his cocaine fell out of his pocket (Tony Battie=Mark Blount). I pray that Doug Collins understands this, uses him as a warm practice body, and continues to play the young guys with a chance of helping this team in the future. In the whimsical mind of Ed Stefanski, Battie will serve as a mentor to the young guys, teaching them all the wonderful things he's learned along the way. From Mr. Basketball Sense himself:

"We see Tony Battie as a player who can come in and give us additional depth in the front court while also providing a valuable veteran presence for our younger players both on and off the court."

It's a stupid, nothing of a signing, not worth getting worked up about (I am), but since the terms of the deal have yet to be announced, it might be. I will strangle a kitten if it's not one year for the veteran's minimum, and will commence blogging from jail. The most infuriating part about this, for me, is how they'd rather spend an unknown amount of money on a purposeless, old Tony Battie instead of Omar Samhan, Rod Benson, or James Augustine. Young guys can improve and play a role in the future. Battie will not. Signing this contract is a waste of ink. Communal prayer for Doug Collins not to play him. Front court depth be damned.

Text from Jordan: "Don't forget to say he sucks."

Oh and he sucks.

UPDATE 4:02 - Text from Derek: "You taking the battie story? Plz mention he sucks."

Look at this blog synergy. Tanner apparently would rather they have signed Michael Bay. At least the slower members of the crowd would ooh and ahh.