When the Cat is away, Mike and Tanner and Derek Will Play

Now for something completely different.

An actual text from Jordan Delano Sams to Michael Sinbad Levin (that's me):

no Internet access next few days dawg. u tanner and Derek got the blog

oh-HO! Poor punctuation aside, this is fairly epic news. I think you'll recall this past December when Jordan was vacationing somewhere and I took over the threads and recaps. We had that big pizza party and got drunk off Sam Dalembert's armpit sweat. Remember? Ricko was there.

So now is your chance to burn down the place (or this). Piss on the sidewalks, pillage the stores, wear white after Labor Day -- anything! The world is your burrito. Jordan's in Boston eating chowder and learning how to spell Carl Yastrzemski (didn't look it up, get at me) so there's no one here to say things like "Yeah when I was watching Jersey Shore..." or "I think Tony Romo is a good person" or "Mike, don't make posts devoted to your genitalia." I know, it's much better when he's not around.

Anyway, the three of us are each writing something that will knock your socks off, or at the very least, your shoes if they are slip-ons. Tanner's sucks though so don't read it. If there's anything else you'd like us to do to piss Jordan off in the next few days, post it here and we will do our best to accommodate this party until he gets back. Think of it like Aaron's Party, but without the expensive lamp from France (Nick Smith is the hottie over there "and I really wanna meet her him"). Enjoy your next few Jordan-free days.

And because this is a Sixers blog (I think?) here's something mildly relevant that I found while looking for Sixers-related porn: