That's Tanktastic!

My new favorite team, the Gneu York Knickerbockers, took care of bidness on the road against our Philadelphia 76ers, who are reportedly not tanking. Despite an 11 point halftime Sixer lead, the home team's sub-30% second half shooting brought the Ca-Knicks back in the game before the final fourth quarter surge that pushed NY over the top. The Sixers now sit tied with Detroit for the 7th seed (they're down 30, I'll give the Celtics the dubya), a full game worse than the Knicks, who they'll face again on Friday. As of this writing, the Wizards are struggling to stay with the Jazz midway through the game. If the Wiz win (not to be confused with wiz wit, which is how I like my cheese steaks), we'll be smashed into a 3 way tie for the 6 spot, the magical spot according to Human Target lookalike Derek Bodner. Dream big.

Let's go to the game action shall we? We shall. The entire Sixers season was generously, metaphorically, and metaphysically jammed into one single play down 9 with the game basically out of reach with under two minutes to play. Andre Iguodala (who?) had the ball on the far side foul line extended with about 15 seconds left in the shot clock. Thaddeus Young was on foul line extended on the near side, and Jrue Holiday stood in the near corner. As 'Dre jab stepped baseline and power dribbled to the middle of the lane, Jrue and Deus made cuts to the same exact place. The two guys off the ball bumped into each other and the guys guarding them, while Iguodala pulled up just shy of the awkward bumpage and took what looked like a two handed floater (isn't that a jumpshot? whatev, cbssportsline) that made the ugliest sound off the back rim/backboard I've ever heard. It was uncoordinated, disgusting basketball emphasizing this team's poor communication and guess-and-check offense without any direction or purpose. And it made me laugh because I'm just too tankalicious for you baby.

The Knicks are the worst rebounding team I've ever seen. Or at least tonight they were, I won't claim to have watched them a ton this season, because frankly, snarkysnarkysnarkysnark <-- I'm assuming there's something funny I could say there. Philly missed 53 shots from the field and 9 from the line, picking up 21 offensive rebounds in the process. I will award us no credit for that, and place all of the blame on the softest frontline in the league named David Lee, Danilo Gallinari and Al Harrington. It hurts just to type those names together. Offensively? Sure. They're plenty talented. I think Harrington could be a top 25 player in the league if he improved his shot selection and defense. But he's been in the league for 12 years and been on 4 teams (and a second stint with Indy) so I'm gonna go ahead and say itsnotgon'happen. Anyway.

Once again, our vaunted three-point defense held the Knicks to JUST 44% from three, which is better than we could do, so I guess we should commend them for that. Wide-open looks were a result of lazy double teams and random rotations. I can't tell you how many times I've seen Samuel Dalembert run out on an open three from about 15 feet away with a worthless hand in the air. Actually I can ballpark it -- a bunch. But again, I was rooting for them to be open and go in so I'm cool as a fool in a swimming pool.

Final thoughts in a horrendous run-on sentence! Willie Green scored well and did everything else horribly, good thing basketball is only about scoring NOT and Jodie Meeks apparently maxed out his minutes last night and will be paying overage (that's spelled like the opposite of underage but i meant it pronounced over-ige -- clear? Crystal) charges for at least the next bill or two I think Toney Douglas can play and always have because he and Isaiah Swann were cashmoney at Florida State but Jrue played lockdown D on him for a good part of the game speaking of Jrue he looks so much better than he did earlier on this season that it's foolish to call him a rookie anymore and I expect we'll be seeing 18-8-6 from him for years to come and Dalembert looked pretty solid on the boards but again it doesn't make any sense to cyberstroke him when he's outrebounding Alice from the Brady Bunch and Iguodala really really really couldn't find hay in a stack of hay (that's obviously a metaphor for his 5-22 shooting night but that was for our metaphor-deficient readers out there HEY GUYS!) although Jason Kapono's shot looked great when it went in he is still without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of But you have heard of me all-around basketball player I've ever seen oh and hey if you predicted Kapono would snag more defensive rebounds than Elton Brand tonight than you sir are a sorcerer and I applaud you PERIOD

Reference roundup:

1. Silent G's

2. Hockey

3. Cheese Steaks

4. Elementary Mathematics

5. Destiny's Child

6. Sarcasm

7. Seinfeld

8. South Park

9. Borat

10. AT&T

11. A Few Good Men

12. Obscure College Basketball Players Only I Remember

13. Pirates of the Caribbean (HT mopey)

14. Family Guy

Find 'em all! God that's awful, eclectic writing that has very little to do with the Sixers. Here's hoping this doesn't ruin our bloglationship! For Jordan's sake, at least read what he writes. He tries so very hard.

UPDATE (seconds later): From commenter yosoysean, here is your new 2010 Sixers theme song, to the tune of the Jeffersons.

We’re moving on down
It’s a free fall
We have one of the worst records in basketball
We’re moving on down
It’s a free fall
For a slightly better chance at John Wall

Does it get any better than that?