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Sixers Hot Tub Time Machine

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*Note: This post is not sponsored by John Cusack.

I thought it'd be both cool and depressing to jump in a Hot Tub Time Machine and re-experience the plethora of emotions Sixers fans (actually just me) have gone through this season. Off we go ... 

October 1, 2009: Philadelphia 76ers: 10 Predictions

  1. The Sixers will have their first all-star since Allen Iverson.
  2. Jason Smith will be the most productive big man off the bench.
  3. Elton Brand will silence the critics who think he's a "bust" and that the team is better off without him.
  4. Marreese Speights will take a step backward this season.
  5. Rodney Carney will be the most productive wingman off the bench.
  6. Bill Green, yes Bill Green, will give the Sixers 10-15 solid minutes off the bench.
  7. Eddie Jordan will upset a lot of fans of by not playing Jrue Holiday enough.
  8. Samuel Dalembert will have the best year of his life.
  9. Jason Kapono will shoot a career-low percentage from beyond the arch.
  10. No player will average more than 20 points per game.

Not bad.

October 4, 2009: Philadelphia 76ers Preview 2009-2010

Predicted Record: 48-34, loss in the eastern conference semifinals to Cleveland Cavilers.

I think the Sixers will be a top 5 team defensively, and the Princeton Offense will allow them to be average on the offensive end.

Doh! I hope I can redeem myself next year.

October 28, 2009: The Magic are good, the Sixers are not; final score: a lot to a little (Game 1)

Overall, the best thing we can do as Sixers fans, is completely forget about this game, and look ahead to the home-opener against the Bucks on Friday. That said, if this team doesn't get chewed the (bleep) out on the way home, we're in big trouble, and the John Wall watch will officially begin.

HA! Foreshadowing baby!

Princeton Offense, where are you? The offensive sets looked the same to me.

More Foreshadowing!

The game was over at halftime. It was the perfect time to play Jrue Holiday, but he was inactive. Wah-Wah.


November 3, 2009: Sixers lose to Celtics 105-74 (Game 4)

Thaddeus Young was awful on both ends of the floor, plain and simple.

Almost everything Eddie Jordan has done this season concerns me.

Boom! Roasted!

November 20, 2009: Grizzles beat Sixers (Game 12)

As Sixers fans, we should do ourselves a favor and lower expectations tremendously

And it begins ...

November 24, 2009: Sixers lose to Wizards, but Jrue is free! (Game 14)

... here are Jrue's final numbers: 10 minutes, 11 points, 6 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 steals, 1 block, 0 turnovers on 4-6 shooting. Even those absurd numbers don't justify what Holiday meant to the Sixers tonight. He was all over the place. And if you think I'm excited, you should've heard Marc Zumoff pop a blood vessel screaming like a 12-year old girl after Jrue made his third three.

Jrue gives Sixers fans a glimmer of hope.

November 30, 2009: Santa Claus is coming to town

Just kidding.

But it looks like Allen Iverson is.

Excuse me for jumping the gun, but here's your Allen Iverson welcome post.


November 30, 2009: Sixers win. Just kidding. (Game 18)

[The Sixers will] be just good enough to barely miss the playoffs or get eliminated in the first round, like the have the past couple years. Joy! Look on the bright side, at least Allen Iverson is coming back.

Sarcasm at its finest. 

December 1, 2009: Poll: Why are you a Sixers fan?

The Sixers suck. It's simple. There are exactly two ways they can go from here:

Go on a run, finish 41-41 and get eliminated in the first round.
Finish with the fifth worst record in the NBA and draft yet another good, not great, player.
The ownership is awful. The general manager is awful. The coach is awful. The roster has some good pieces, but that doesn't matter because the rest of the organization is holding them back. Honestly, unless a major shake-up happens over the next year or two that includes at least two of these changes: a new, competent coach, a new, competent GM, or new, competent ownership, Webster will officially change its definition of mediocre to: Philadelphia 76ers.

Mediocre doesn't cut it in sports. No one remembers the teams who were "almost" good enough to win a playoff series. That's what the Sixers have become, and will continue to be, as far as I'm concerned.

This is when it starts to get depressing. 

December 5, 2009: Sixers lose ninth straight

All I can do is smile. This team continues to amaze me. At least "The Answer" arrives Monday night, right?

P.S. No more Andre Iguodala to end games, k?

Depression turns into hysteria. 

December 6, 2009: Allen Iverson: The difference maker

In the past four seasons, here is the record of the Sixers, Nuggets, Pistons and Grizzlies when Iverson plays.


Here is the record of those same teams without Iverson:


Correction: (The 06-07 Nuggets went 5-4 when Iverson was injured changing the "record without" from 130-104 to 135-108.)

If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will. Four different seasons, four different teams, four different coaches, four different systems. Iverson has been detrimental to them all.

You know it's bad when people are talking about Allen Iverson being the savior.

December 7, 2009: Iverson returns; Sixers lose 10th straight

Even as a non-supporter of the Allen Iverson signing, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of his return tonight. Being a Sixers fan has been pretty depressing lately, so it was refreshing to receive some national attention and see more than 600 people in the Wachovia Center. I got chills during introductions and I got chills watching Iverson score his first bucket.

Most exciting two hours of the season.

December 11, 2009: Sixers losing streak reaches 12 (Game 23)

What color should I get my John Wall jersey in? Red or White?

Things between me and John Wall heat up.

December 31, 2009: Sixers get dominated (Game 32)

I'm so disgusted with this franchise right now.

Things reach an all-time low. Not even Jersey Shore re-runs can cheer me up.

January 6, 2010: The Eddie Jordan Saga

Eddie Jordan is a bad coach and losses like last night are going to continue to pile up as long as he's our head coach. That's just the way it is. There's no need to get our panties in a bunch over, and over, and over again.

I'm aware that EJ is holding the entire franchise hostage, but that doesn't mean he should hold us fans or this blog hostage in the process. I can't speak for anyone else, but my personal goal for the rest of the season is to discuss topics not surrounded by Eddie Jordan bashing. Whether that be a whole lotta draft talk, the development (or non-development) of the young guys, or my fantasies on what I think this team can or should become, I'm avoiding the dark cloud known as Eddie Jordan. It won't be easy, but I'm going to do my best. I'm not going to let him kill my passion for the Sixers any longer and ultimately turn me into a depressed fan.

(For the record, I'm going to continue to root for ping pong balls until Jordan is fired. I'm sorry, but I see absolutely zero benefit to winning during EJ's tenure. K that's it, I won't mention Eddie Jordan ever again, starting.... now!)

I officially jump off the EJ Bashing bandwagon and into the wonderful world of tanking.

January 13, 2010: Sixers lose game; earn another ping pong ball in the Wall Sweepstakes (game 38)

As a basketball fan there's no better feeling than watching your team hit a game-winner, but when every win hurts your team's chances of landing a sure-fire prospect like John Wall, you find yourself rooting against it -- at least I did. When Rodney Carney's wide open three rimmed out at the buzzer, the die-hard Sixers fan on my left shoulder removed his halo, slouched his shoulders and shed a tear or two. But on my right shoulder, the little John Wall -- equipped with horns and a pitchfork -- jumped for joy, and I was right there with him.

January 21, 2010: Predicting the Sixers Future

Many of the Sixers young pieces are highly regarded within the fan base, to say the least. Ask a Sixers fan and he'll tell you that Andre Iguodala is the best perimeter defender in the NBA. He'll also tell you that Jrue Holiday is a future Hall of Famer, and Thaddeus Young is destined for 12 All Star games. Not even I have been immune to this overate-itis. But does a team with a 13-28 record really have that much talent?

Reality slaps me in the face.

January 26, 2010: To Re-build or Not to Re-build?

The answer is simple; the Sixers need to have a fire sale. Trade Iguodala, Brand, and Dalembert for expiring contracts, cheap talent and future draft picks. Throw in Lou and Thad to sweeten the deals. Do whatever it takes to get these contracts off your hands before the trade deadline. In doing so, the Sixers would gain a ton of financial flexibility and be bad enough to pick in the top 5 for the next couple years.

February 5, 2010: The Life of a Sixers Fan

Since the Sixers are supposed to be in pre-rebuild mode I can't force myself to get excited over these wins. That's what last year was for. That's what the year before was for. That's what the year before the year before was for. I've seen this movie three years in a row. We have a team with a mixture of talent, young and old. We start poorly, finish strong and end up saying to ourselves, "Next year is our year," yet instead of moving forward and building toward a championship, we invent new ways to be mediocre.

Still rooting for ping pong balls.

February 7, 2010: "See This Team is Really Young and Talented"

When I root for them to win, they lose, and when I root for them to lose, they win. So I did what any loyal fan would do -- I jumped back on the bandwagon of false hope. Only this time I won't drink the Kool-Aid at the "see this team is really young and talented" end-of-the-year party.

Last night, I wanted a plan I could back 100 percent. Tonight, I accepted my fate.

As much as it pains me to say... Go... Sixers!

Brief mental lapse causes me to flip-flop. The Sixers have me looking at a future with white walls and a straight jacket.

February 25, 2010: Sixers Blueprint for Success 2.0

We're looking at a new coach, a definitive plan (build a defensive-first team around Jrue, Rudy, Andre and Alabi), Dalembert and Green's expiring contracts, no luxury tax, and a possible eight seed. They're still lacking a backup point guard and a backup small forward, but I can only do so much in one off-season!

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel: The off-season!

Today: Magic @ Sixers game thread

This season is probably the worst I've endured as a sports fan. Most of you have been right here with me, so no need to write another thousand word 'whoa is me' rant. With 58 games in the books, I'm ready to wrap it up and move to the off-season. Unfortunately, we can't just fast forward through the last 24 games, so we have find something to keep us interested. Right now it's the lottery standings ... 

A nice mixture of depression, anger and hope -- sums up the season beautifully.