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I'm losing my mind. Where are you regular season?

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Disclaimer: This a completely unorganized and unnecessary rant, so bare with me.

Disclaimer #2: Some of these links contain language not suitable for children.

I don't know what to do with myself. There are now 14 days until the regular season starts and time could not be going any slower. What am I supposed to be doing while I wait? I've already tried: getting my butt kicked in NBA 2k9, rooting for my other teams (Mini-rant-I've made this comparison numerous times. The Cowboys are like my wife of 60 years. We've been through a lot together, yet still manage to put up with each other. We have kind of taken each other for granted, but still love each other unconditionally. The Astros are like my crazy/drunken brother. I will always love them to death, but sometimes, I just want to grab them and say, "What are you doing with your life?!" And the Sixers are like the new-born baby. We haven't been together as long as the wife, but I can never get mad at 'em, because basketball is the easiest sport to endure losing, with the draft making such a big impact every year, plus there's a really good taste in my mouth thanks to the Stefanski regime. With the addition Elton, the possibilities are endless. It's awesome how I can say I used to be 'hot and heavy' with a sports team, just awesome.) and the Cowboys have nearly caused my head to explode. The Astros, let's not even get into the Astros, most of you guys are lucky to be Phillies' fans. I've tried listening to the pre-season games and monitoring the play-by-play; both horrible ways to get a sense of your team. Thanks a lot League Pass. I've tried watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns. I've tried Fantasy mock drafts. And I've even traveled to unimaginable roads by attempting to study for a mid-term here and there and even trying to work out a couple days a week *gasp*. What can help me move these 14 days along faster?

I want to go on a rant like this, this or this.

I want to do this to the people who only gave the Sixers 7 nationally televised games.

I will dance like this or this if the Sixers win the championship.

Would you consider this dancing?

Too bad David Blaine can't use his magic to make time go faster or turn Willie Green into a decent player.

Help me Sixer Brethren! I'm just a regular, everyday normal guy.

Throw out some topics for me to write about for the next 14 days.

Hit me with a link to watch the final three pre-season games.

Challenge me to an online Madden game?

Send me funny links.

Buy me a Mo Speights jersey.

I'm begging you.

I can't continue to sit here and watch Tommy Lasorda waddle around Dodger Stadium waving towels.

No more.

Actually, more. Sorry.

Two quick things. without explaining why, here are the guys I love/don't up to this point in the pre-season.

Love:

-M16

-Sammy D

-Thad

-'Dre Miller

-Lou-Will

-Elton

-Iggy

-Dre

-Jason Smith

-Reggie

-Rodney Carney (miss you)

-Theophilus Ratliff

Don't love, but don't hate because I don't hate Sixers:

-Royal Ivey

-Donyell

Watch yourself:

-Willie Green

And since I'm in a ranting mood, David Thorpe, stop stealing my comparisons!

July 22

I worked out Speights one time two years ago and thought he was the closest thing to Amare Stoudemire that I'd ever seen. I still think that. He is incredibly agile and explosive for such a big man, and his skill game is superb.

and today

He's a cross of Amare and Al Jefferson. But only when he competes his butt off.

I believe I put it in writing first.

July 13, from yours truly!

His jump shot was beautiful too. I read all the reports about him being a poor man's Elton Brand, but what I saw from him yesterday reminded me of an Amare Stoudemire-type game.

Just joking Davey. You're the rookie expert over there at ESPN, so take all the credit, just give me a shout out once in a while, will ya?

Anyway, I think I got it out of my system. See how much I need the Sixers and basketball to get going? I'm mentally unstable without them. If you've read through this mess, congratulations and I'm sorry. It'll probably be the last of my career after I celebrate like this for four straight Elton Brand championships.

P.S. How did I not fit this link in?

or this one.