FanPost

Sustained Sucking: the NBA’s 30 Greatest Most Awful Teams

The Sixers have spent the better part of the last two years losing games. And a glance at their current roster (or at Joel Embiid’s foot x-rays, or Brett Brown’s psychotherapy bills, or Gerald Wallace’s basketball-reference page) will tell you they are primed for another season of mostly losing.

This bothers plenty of people. And it probably should. Or maybe should. Whatever. But a particular aspect of the complaint strikes me as disingenuous. Or ignorant: the idea that the losses being piled up by the Sixers are unprecedented. That it is going to be too much for the fanbase to stomach. That it is going to drive the classmate of Scott O’Neil’s imaginary son to tell his imaginary son "the sixer’s suck!" and send this imaginary son home in tears, which will drive Scott O’Neil to fire Hinkie (did I catch all the details, Amin?).

I don’t intend to downplay what the Sixers are trying to do here. It is strange. It is, in several senses, unprecedented. And the sheer novelty of the plan has hypnotized as many as it has alienated. But what I’d like to point out is the very simple truth that losing many games in multiple consecutive seasons is normal. This plan is unusual. However, sucking for 2, 3, 4, or 8 seasons in a row is not.

Jokes about relegating the Sixers to the D-League are funny and all (or not really that much at all...OK a little bit), but the Sixers have not invented losing! And they’ve quite a way to go before matching some of the all-time losers.

Let’s take a look at some examples of sustained suckiness. It is important to note that there are many different reasons for a team’s awfulness. Incompetent owners. Incompetent coaches. Incompetent players. We’ll save for another time the labor of creating a taxonomy of losers. For now, whether you’re the type who falls asleep to vines of Okafor repeating, "Trust the process," or, alternatively, can only drift off after jabbing skewers into your Sam Hinkie voodoo doll’s pocket protector, let us join hands and commiserate with the annals of NBA misery.

A few quick notes before we get to the rankings. First, I tried to select more recent teams, for obvious reasons, so there is some good 70s and 80s sucking that won’t show up here. Second, it would be fun to really dig into the numbers and try to spot interesting trends. I didn’t have the time (or the skill) to do this, but to point out the most noticeable trend: all of these teams eventually got better! Its amazing, really. Some only got a little bit better before getting stuck in 7- and 8-seeds. A few went on to win actual NBA championships. Many happened to compete for those championships. A few, like the Timberwolves and Wizards and Kings have been exemplarily good at losing over long periods of time. But, hey now, even Flip Saunders can stumble into a Towns and a Wiggins. The future is bright! And the Wizards are doing some things now. And… well, the Kings are just doomed.

So, what is my point here? My point is that teams lose all the time. And these same losing teams eventually find a way out. They figure out how to escape from the losing. Or they accidentally chance upon it. (It should hearten Sixers fans that this organization was already planning a way out of the losing BEFORE they even started losing!) So, appreciate the time we have now with Furkan and Pierre and Scottie, because the losing probably won’t last forever.

The NBA’s 30 Greatest Most Awful Teams (90’s to present):

30. Toronto Raptors (2010-2012)

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The Raptors have had some rough stretches. The mid- to late-90s weren’t kind. Nor were the early 2000s. But they always managed to find the playoffs after a handful of down years. I’m not sure all of the first round exits have been worth it (6 of their 7 playoff appearances ended in the first round), but at least they got Drake now.

29. New Orleans Hornets (2011-13)

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No sympathy. I’d take 5 total wins for five seasons if you promised me Anthony Davis.

28. Los Angeles Lakers (2013-2015)

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The Lakers loser-stock has a chance to really appreciate in value over the next couple years.

27. Portland Trail Blazers (2004-2007)

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26. Seattle/OKC Supersonics/Thunder (2006-2009)

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Missin’ you Supersonics! Not missin’ you the years 2006-2008!

25. Memphis Grizzlies (2006-2009)

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24. Los Angeles Clippers (2007-2011)

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23. Orlando Magic (2012-2015)

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22. Philadelphia 76ers (2013-2015)

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The Sixers have a strong chance of moving up this list, but for now, with only 2 seasons in the basement, lets not be too hasty to count them among the truly loser-iest of losers.

21. Miami Heat (1988-1991)

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These guys just snuck onto this list, having the final year landing in the 90s. Otherwise, we should all be jealous of the Riley-Van Gundy-Spoelstra machine.

20. Nets (2009-2011)

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The pre-Brooklyn Nets were bad. They might be worse now. But they definitely used to lose more games. The Sixers need to win 21 games or more this year to best the average record of the Nets over this 3-year stretch.

19. Charlotte Bobcats (2004-2009)

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These were the Gerald Wallace years.

18. Cleveland Cavaliers (2010-2014)

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The post-/ pre-Lebron Cavs!

17. Detroit Pistons (2009-2015)

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Stan Van Gundy’s 32 wins in 2014-5 was more than the team saw in a season dating back six years. I just knew he’d turn the franchise around!

16. Denver Nuggets (1996-1999)

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OK, granted that the 98-99 season is shortened, so the 14 wins don’t seem so egregious. But the avg. win/loss % over three years is still lower than the Sixers’ avg. over the past two years.

15. New York Knicks (2004-2010)

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The Knicks used to suck. Bet they’re glad those days are over!

14. Milwaukee Bucks (1991-1998)

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13. Hawks (1999-2006)

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The two 30-win seasons in the middle might seem to lessen the pain of this awful 7-season stretch, but those turned out to be a textbook bait-and-switch. Were those two Shareef Abdur-Rahim glory years worth the rights to Pau Gasol? Probably not.

12. Washington Wizards (1998-2004)

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11. Washington Bullets (1989-1995)

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10. Washington Wizards (2008-2013)

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We should really take it easy on Andrew Sharp. The list of coaches here is incredible: Wes Unseld, Bernie Bickerstaff, Doug Collins, Eddie Jordan, Flip Saunders, Randy Wittman.

9. Philadelphia 76ers (1992-1998)

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I was ten when this stretch started, so these were my formative years of basketball fandom.

8. Bulls (1998-2004)

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During Jordan’s career in Chicago the Bulls went to the playoffs every single season and won a total of 6 rings. During that career the Bulls averaged 53.5 wins per season. From 1998 to 2004, the Bulls averaged 57 losses per season. If not for the lockout shortened 1998-9 season, that number would be 61. The Sixers could lose 58 games in each of the next THREE seasons and not be as bad as these Bulls.

7. Sacramento Kings (1986-1994)

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6. Sacramento Kings (2006-2015)

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What’s worse than being a fan of the Kings from the mid-80s to mid-90s? Being a fan of the Kings for the past decade. While the earlier stretch had a slightly lower win/loss %, I’m giving the edge to the current iteration, which has strong potential to make the top-3 of this power ranking in a couple years. And is there anything more exhausting than Demarcus Cousin’s potential to be a top-3 player?

5. Minnesota Timberwolves (2006-2015)

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This isn’t the worst 9 year stretch in NBA history but that is really no consolation. The Kevins (Garnett and Love) make this easier. And many would say that Wiggins and Towns make this worthwhile. But few of those "many" actually lived in Minnesota. Nine years of being bad to awful to miserable to bad to mediocre to miserable… is miserable. What’s worse? They went through an even rougher stretch a decade previous.

4. Minnesota Timberwolves (1998-1996)

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3. Golden State Warriors (1994-2002)

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Warriors fans might currently be basking in the glow of Andre Iguodala’s shine, but DAMN if they haven’t suffered. While I’ve included the ’94-’97 seasons here, those ’97-‘02 seasons would make Sam Hinkie blush.

2. Dallas Mavericks (1990-1999)

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Mark Cuban takes a lot of pride in his Mavs, and rightfully so, considering this team was terrible for nearly a decade. No other team came close to this win/loss % over the same amount of time.

1. Vancouver/Memphis Grizzlies (1995-2003)
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Life before the Gasols wasn’t easy. Life with the Gasols wasn’t always easy. This team averaged a 19-59 season for EIGHT STRAIGHT SEASONS.



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