FanPost

Who/What Will Be the 76ers Next Mascot? And When??

The first downtime of the real 76ers season (the NBA offseason) has come, so it's time to shift the focus from personnel matters to more important ones, such as when the hell we are getting a new mascot. Not since 2011 have we been graced with the presence of a real mascot, Hip-Hop, everyone's favorite rapping, flexing, dunking rabbit. One would think amidst the breakdown of the old Sixers, resulting in a team 90% filled with D-leaguers, the Sixers brass would have the generosity, the situational awareness, to please the patiently waiting fans with something to really cheer about. And they almost did. It would have been nice to see a smiling moose under the basket last season as Byron Mullins jacked yet another three.

Things are looking up though! Despite Cheesteakjawn's reservations (please read the one comment on that article--the things I would do for the connections Cheesteakjawn's got), I believe it will only be a short amount of time before we have someone to really root for before the rebuild takes full effect in 2015. Here's some ideas for what that slimmer of hope could look like:

1) A Colonial Ben Franklin.

A good idea in theory, but hard to pull off. This almost was a thing, and I'm somewhat glad it never became one. Although having a dribbling, 'ooping Franklin would be sweet, a colonial looking mascot always appears...off putting. Take George Washington University as an example--their colonial either appears somehow more terrifying than our last mascot, or like a giant, dopey, wooden nutcracker. Beyond that, I'm getting tired of Franklin impersonators. Ben's had his time, and he's not going anywhere. Let's choose something else.

2) A Liberty Bell with Eyes.

Like Ben this is distinctly Philly, yet having the mascot as an inanimate object is cool. Don't think it can be done? It can. The Stanford Tree is one of my favorite mascots in sports purely based on its absurdity--we can bring that to the Wells Fargo Center! Who would be opposed to this? WHO??

3) Dr. J

Outside of maybe Bill Russell, there is no one in the NBA community who is more respected than The Doctor. And outside of, oh yeah, nevermind, nobody in the world is cooler (somebody should have told Dos Equis there was no need to hire an actor for 'the most interesting man in the world'). Of course Julius would not need to dance around and embarrass himself. All he would have to do is take a chair to halfcourt during halftimes and tell stories. 'Story Time with The Doctor.' The world would stop and listen Mr. Erving. The world.

4) Santa Clause

Maybe Skylar Grey could make a new 'I'm Coming Home' for St. Nick. This could finally be the chance for Philadelphia to bury the hatchet, or Philly could just completely buy into the stigma and boo the hell out of him everytime he appears. I don't really see the downside here--either the country witnesses a true comeback story full of forgiveness, or we become the team everyone loves to hate--either way there's something there.

5) Hipster-Hop

Perhaps the 76ers can have future iterations of a ridiculous, culturally irrelevant rabbit for each new generation to cherish and love. Here's a potential conversation with my (imaginary) son:

"Dad, why is there a rabbit wearing a flanel and thick rimmed glasses, smoking a j, and rambling on about how if Napoleon rode a bicycle, the Battle of Waterloo would have looked a lot different?"

"It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it, but that's how it's always been done. It's better to not ask any questions. Just get dressed and ready for Church."

6) B. Franklin Dogg

Just, no.

Any other ideas? Post below!

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