I don't know about you, but I haven't seen a disappearing act like this since the last David Blaine special on ABC.
11 days have passed since the Philadelphia 76ers ended the 2013-14 season, and there still hasn't been any sort of public response from general manager Sam Hinkie.
What's wrong, Sam? Cat got your tongue?
It doesn't matter that you reached out to the Rights To Ricky Sanchez podcast back in October and gave an informative 30-minute interview about your plan and the current state of the team. Nor does it matter that you had a pre-season sit-down with a bunch of local bloggers - a group that included two representatives of one particularly mediocre site that can't be bothered to have any reference to "Philadelphia" or "76ers" in its name.
According to Philadelphia Daily News columnist Marcus Hayes (the Grantland Rice of the 21st century), yours is the only voice that matters. And it's a voice that we haven't heard since the trade deadline.
I shouldn't be surprised. This behavior should be expected from a man who's so secretive, he couldn't even be bothered to list his age on Wikipedia. Unemployed head coach Stan Van Gundy trashed your rebuilding plan (with you in the audience!) at the Sloan Sports Analytics Conference this year, and there was nary a reaction from you or the rest of the Sixers' organization.
A good GM like Toronto's Masai Ujiri would have ripped off a string of four-letter expletives in Van Gundy's direction. Instead, you decided to show "class" and "grace" by not dignifying Van Gundy's comments with a response.
Last time I checked, class and grace don't win basketball games. Talking to the media does.
It's funny how you can find the time to attend conferences like Sloan, watch video, scout NBA prospects, consult with your coaching staff and pore over analytics, but not once did you call Paul Jolovitz to explain why you didn't keep Dewayne Dedmon around for the rest of the season.
With the NBA Draft Lottery less than a month away, inquiring minds want to know. And we want to know everything.
We deserve to know exactly what you're going to do with the No. 2 overall pick even though you may not actually wind up with the No. 2 pick on May 20. The least you could do for us is run ESPN's Mock Draft Machine 1,000 times and tell us exactly what your plan would be in each scenario. Here's the link if you need it (no Insider subscription required).
We demand to know what your plans are for the pick that you acquired in the Jrue Holiday trade even though there's a better-than-zero chance that the New Orleans Pelicans may get to keep it.
Most importantly, we (namely, Marcus Hayes) really want to know if you actually own a Merlin hat and/or if Josh Harris refers to you as "Wonderboy" in the presence of other people.
It pains me to write this, but Howard Eskin was right.
I don't know if you actually hide in a bunker as he claims, but you really haven't spoken "like we are under some kind of bomb attack." To be fair, if we were under some kind of bomb attack, I hope that you would find shelter in a bunker of some sort. Perhaps you could even invite me and my loved ones into said bunker - I'd love to debate Andrew Wiggins vs. Jabari Parker with you as the world as we know it explodes over our heads.
After a year in which we were forced to watch Lorenzo Brown attempt to play basketball for 224 minutes, we don't want an owner to tell us that a 19-63 season was a "huge success."
We want some answers, and we want them now.
Dr. J was wrong. He wasn't the one who owed us one.