Beyonce? Flawless. The Sixers? Not So Much

The Sixers are whatever the opposite of flawless is. - Scott Halleran

There probably aren't a ton of Beyonce fans in our target demo, but when a team drops an NBA record 26 games in a row, it's only right to mark the occasion with a song.

How bad are things for the Philadelphia 76ers these days? Let the record show that in the Sixers' 120-98 loss on Thursday, James Harden notched a triple-double in just three quarters of action, while Superman D-12 Rocket Man Dwight Howard played a mere 26 minutes and wound up with a +35 next to his name in the official boxscore.

Houston's Toyota Center may have been the scene of an ugly thrashing last night, but H-Town also happens to be the hometown of one of the world's most beautiful people: Beyonce Knowles-Carter aka Queen Bey aka Beezus aka Rocket Man aka Sasha Fierce.

And just as Mrs. Carter quickly dismissed most of her compatriots on her way to superstardom (remember Farrah Franklin? EXACTLY...), the Rockets dispatched the Sixers in relatively short order.

Driver... roll up the partition, please. I'm tired of watching this team miss threes.

"Losses"
(set to the tune of "Flawless" by Beyonce)

[Intro: Brett Brown]
We lost in H... town, it's Brett Brown
Got beat down, burn this team to the ground
H, H... Town, Town, it's Brett Brown
Can't back down, burn this team to the ground

[Verse 1: Brett Brown]
I know when we run flares and curls
You think that you can beat the world
Just forget it, Just forget it
We can't win... tank for Wiggins (Brown!)
I can't believe that this is life
My 2 guard's worse than Dugan Fife
Don't get it twisted, tank's exquisite
The first pick? Andrew Wiggins
Andrew Wiggins, An... Andrew Wiggins (Brown!)
Andrew Wiggins, An... Andrew Wiggins (Brown!)
Brett Brown, bitches
Brett... Brett Brown vicious
The talk of the town: Andrew Wiggins

We lost in H... town, it's Brett Brown
Got beat down, burn this team to the ground
H, H... Town, Town, it's Brett Brown
Can't back down, burn this team to the ground

[Verse 2 (Spoken Word Interlude): Sam Hinkie]
We teach players to out-think themselves
To believe that they won't falter
We say to them
"You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise, you will threaten the plan."
Because we're in the league
We are expected to aspire to the playoffs
We are expected to make certain choices
Always keeping in mind that
The postseason is the most important
Now the playoffs can be a source of
Happiness and great financial gain
But why should we strive for the postseason
When only five teams have a chance at the title?
To be fair, we're all competitors
And we're all proud of our accomplishments
Which is definitely a good thing
But for the long-term
We teach our guys that it will take some time
To be where the Spurs are
Realist: The person who understands that it takes time
To instill a positive culture that's infectious


[Verse 3: Beyonce]
We wake up to losses
Can't post up... losses
The Bulls dealt us... losses
Drink Ciroc to deal with... losses
Our tank game... flawless
Led to many... losses
Shell-shocked? Losses...
Wish I had? Greg Paulus

We signed up for this
We signed up for this
These losses... B. Davies... tell 'em
We signed up for this
We signed up for this
These losses... B. Davies... tell 'em
Say we... played so bad tonight
Oh damn, Oh damn
Say we... played so bad tonight
Oh damn, Oh damn, Oh damn!

Coach Pitino gave me on-the-job training
Coach Pop taught me how to love my haters
I ask Lloyd Pierce to give me peace of mind
Sam Hinkie says it's just a matter of time (These losses...)


[Verse 4: Beyonce]
We wake up to losses
Can't post up... losses
The Knicks dealt us.... losses
Drink Ciroc to deal with... losses
Our tank game... flawless
Led to many... losses
Shell-shocked? Losses...
Wish I had? Greg Paulus

We signed up for this
We signed up for this
These losses... B. Davies... tell 'em
We signed up for this
We signed up for this
These losses... B. Davies... tell 'em
Say we... played so bad tonight
Oh damn, Oh damn
Say we... played so bad tonight
Oh damn, Oh damn, Oh damn!



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