76ers' Sunday Morning Shootaround: Run The Jewels

Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

In this edition of the Sunday Morning Shootaround, Spencer Hawes has controversial toilet paper, Arne Duncan proves why he belongs on the Sixers, and we offer our own fixes for the NBA Slam Dunk Contest

Well... if there's any player in the NBA who would have President's Obama toilet paper, it would be Spencer Hawes.

No matter what you political affiliation is, there's really no justification for having toilet paper of a current or former president in your house. On a related note, Dallas Cowboys' toilet paper is not only permitted, but encouraged.

(Just a thought: Why is Evan Turner at Spencer Hawes's spot in the first place? I guess it's nice to see a couple of teammates hanging out during their down time, but if I had five days off, I'd be on the first thing smoking to Cabo San Lucas. Since Turner and Hawes are BFFs, maybe Sam Hinkie can trade them in a package deal).

For what it's worth, I'm a bit upset that Mike Levin didn't break this toilet paper story last summer.

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Wait... what?

Mere days after Amar'e Stoudemire upped the ante on the NBA jewelry (and fur) game, Spencer Hawes decided that he needed to add a little blue (diamonds) to his red-state wardrobe.

Jake wouldn't tell us what Spence bought, but according to sources, Hawes's initial request for an iced-out chain with a pendant that read "NOBAMA" was denied.

If you're in the market for an engagement ring (or anything else, for that matter) , L.L. Pavorsky Jewelers (on the other corner of 7th and Walnut) can handle all of your jewelry needs.

May or may not be missing you, Spence.

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Sadly enough, this is an accurate statement. Arne Duncan is a better playmaker today than Tony Wroten, and his fitness level is higher than that of Arnett Moultrie.

(Just curious: Does Kevin Hart have a movie coming out? I can't tell...)

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That doesn't look like any Tanner that I know...

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I think this was supposed to be an alley-oop, but I can't tell who the intended recipient was. Sadly, that wasn't even the most embarrassing part of that 328-point loss to the Clippers.

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We all should have watched Florida-Kentucky instead of that trainwreck of a dunk contest last night. Here are my thoughts on how to fix it:

1) Scrap the freestyle portion of the contest. OK in theory, but if someone throws down a great dunk, it's hard to react to it with everything else going on.

2) Re-do the rest of the rules. Every head-to-head matchup should have two dunks by each competitor, and the winner of each battle should advance to the finals where they get two more dunks. Simple.

3) Invite Jerome Williams to sit courtside. For whatever reason, Williams (aka the "Junkyard Dog") always had prime seats at the dunk contest back in the late 90s/early 2000s. The dunk contests were better back then. Ipso facto, he needs to get the "Kevin Hart seats" at each and every All-Star Weekend event going forward.

4) Take the iPads away from Dr. J and Magic Johnson. Mixing older people and technology rarely works out. Just give them the old paper scorecards and keep it moving. $50 says that Dr. J still has a Motorola flip phone.

5) Play French Montana's "Pop That" (or a similar song) before every dunk. In a city as exciting as New Orleans can be, the Smoothie King Center was remarkably dead during the Dunk Contest. A good soundtrack can fix that. Where's DJ Ran when you need him?

6) Give Andre Iguodala the 2006 Slam Dunk Contest title. This has nothing to do with making future contests better: It's merely about fixing an injustice that occurred eight years ago.

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Those who gave me grief about putting Charles Barkley on the Philadelphia 76ers' Mount Rushmore obviously didn't factor in the greatness of Sir Charles in a karaoke bar:

Happy Sunday, everyone.

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