Sixers Player Development and the Plot for World Domination

SUSPICIOUS - USA TODAY Sports

It may seem like the Sixers are doing all the right things, but really, they're trying to take over the world and kill us all.

Here at Liberty Ballers, we know a conspiracy when we see one. But even for us experts, this Sam Hinkie and Josh Harris and Brett Brown CONSPIRACYGATE has continued right under our noses.

Until now.

Player development, huh? PLAYER DEVELOPMENT?! I can't believe we didn't see it before. Trading away Jrue Holiday? Bringing in all the player development coaches from all over the world? Acquiring Tony Flipping Wroten?

We thought it was a change in organizational philosophy. How simpleminded of us. How pathetic were we to think that "rebuilding" and "Andrew Wiggins" were actual things that actually existed.

When in reality, the new Sixers organization is deep in the throes of a plot to take over the NBA and, soon, the world.

Player Development, when decrypted, easily becomes an organizational code order -- Prep Mental Dove Lye.

It's so simple. Clearly, the Sixers have a telepathic dove out of which they are extracting a poisonous lye to use upon unsuspecting fans and passersby. It will infiltrate your cerebral cortices and plant alien seeds in your brain or maybe something like the alien organisms in Evolution, starring David Duchovny and Orlando Jones.  Bastards trying to use one of our own all-time great movies against us. Heartless.

The only way to combat this is with HEART and PRIDE and DOUG COLLINS. So please, contact your local congressman and your local grocer and urge them to join the fight against Player Development. Mediocrity may be our only hope. Our only chance at survival.

Because there's just no way the Sixers could actually be this competent. Opening Night in a month and a half. Hide your kids. Stay away from doves.

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