— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) August 7, 2013
August 7 wasn't just Sidney Crosby's birthday: It also happened to be 87ers Day in Delaware. We previewed the event in last week's edition of the SMS, and by all accounts, the day was a smashing success.
Of course, not everything was ideal. Just like Josh Harris and Co. did when they first got here, the Sevens gave out vouchers for a single free ticket (good only on Monday-Thursday). Would giving away tickets in PAIRS completely destroy the Sevens' promotional budget? Does their marketing staff think that people who frequent D-League games don't have friends? (That's probably a fair assumption.)
Anyways, Newark mayor (and first Delaware 87ers season-ticket buyer) Vance Funk officially welcomed the team to town on Wednesday. On Thursday, he announced his resignation due to stress caused by
communists residents who are against the opening of a new Wawa. Coincidence? I think not.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think 'Chopped' is a highly overrated show. And given the fact that I watch Food Network almost as much as I tune into ESPN, I feel like I've put in the requisite time needed to make such a statement.
Granted, any channel that has to fill 168 hours/week is bound to have some less-than-ideal programs in its lineup, but some of the dogs in the Food Network rotation are more painful to watch than a replay of 'First Take':
WORST FOOD NETWORK SHOWS POWER RANKING
1) The Pioneer Woman
2) Barefoot Contessa
3) Anything starring Mario Batali
4) $24 in 24/$40 A Day (budget foodie travel shows are dumb)
6) Two Fat Ladies
7) Anything starring Emeril Lagasse
I will give Michael Preston this: He's been a fan of MTV's 'Catfish' since the jump, and that very well could be the best show on TV right now.
The schedule's out! Here are 82 games in under six seconds. https://t.co/NNs1AjbA3o— Philadelphia 76ers (@Sixers) August 6, 2013
As stupid as Vine is, props to the Sixers for finding a creative way to use the video-sharing service (not as creative as this, however). God bless the intern who had to sit down and take the 82 mini-videos of each game and stitch them together - there's a special place in Heaven for you.
Nothing for nothing, I wish there was a way to play all 82 games of the 2013-14 season in six seconds - next year is going to be brutal. You see these smiles on the faces of Michael Carter-Williams and Nerlens Noel? Those will be few and far between this season.
Unless, of course, they're both like former Philadelphia Eagles' QB Rodney Peete, who used to grin after throwing each interception. Then again, he was going home to Holly Robinson-Peete, so there's that.
Former Liberty Ballers' scribe Kami Mattioli may have left us
due to our all-too-frequent scatological references in order to pursue a career with the Sporting News, but she still has her finger on the pulse of the Sixers.
This picture is perfect for a photo caption contest, and it's likely the same reaction Noel had when he found out that he was drafted by the 76ers. The picture was taken at the 2013 NBA Rookie Photo Shoot in New York last week, and will be one of the few times this year that Noel will put on a Sixers' jersey and not end the day with a loss.
For what it's worth, he and Michael Carter-Williams look pretty good in their new uniforms, and as Deion Sanders once taught us: "Look good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, they pay good. They pay good, you live good. You live good... eat good." For the 76ers, "win good" is clearly not on the agenda for this season.
(Brief aside: Completely random, but "Swim Good" might be Frank Ocean's best song.)
Travel miles for NBA 2013-14 season, by team. pic.twitter.com/sIjlwOniCD— Ed Kupfer (@EdKupfer) August 7, 2013
The Philadelphia 76ers won't just be last in the standings next season - they'll also travel the least amount of miles during the 2013-14 campaign.
If Sam Hinkie knew about this before he traded for Royce White, then he's a genius. Well, he's a genius anyway: Who else would ESPN's Chad Ford give an A to after an offseason of filled with such tankosity?
And, to close it out, here's this week's "What Would Evan Do?" courtesy of his Ask.fm page:
Question: Do you want to be the main scoring option next year?
Answer: Nah not sure
Analysis: Who says this? Even the 12th man on most NBA teams would LIKE to be their team's main scoring option, given the opportunity. Makes you wonder...
Question: whats your favorite food?
Answer: Pepperoni pizza
Analysis: Millionaire or not, Evan Turner enjoys Pizza Hut just like the rest of us.
Question: Is Jason Richardson still on the team?
Analysis: I've asked myself that same thing three times this summer.
Question: If u aren't the face of the sixers then who is?
Answer: Thad young
Analysis: This is our reality, folks.
Question: Kim Kardashian, Tyra Banks, and Oprah in a room. FMK.....go
Answer: Lol I can't answer that
Analysis: I can... F: Kim. M: Oprah. K: Tyra.
Question: Backstreet Boys or N sync?
Analysis: I hope Turner's Ask.fm page got hacked on this one, because it's the wrong answer.
Question: Are u considering retirement anytime soon? Because I think it would be in the best interest of you and the best interest for the 76ers
Answer: Ha I don't want to be anywhere I'm not wanted. If I retire, ask your mom if I can stay in her bed lol
Analysis: I hope Evan Turner does this Ask.fm thing for the rest of time.
Question: Know any nba guys that smoke weed?
Answer: Nope that doesn't happen in the nba
Analysis: Evan doesn't read the paper, apparently.
Question: If you got to bang nicki Minaj any time you wanted, as often as you wanted but you would get herpes, would you do it?
Analysis: How did Chris Palmer find Evan Turner's Ask.fm page?