76ers Sunday Morning Shootaround: The Hinkie Edition

This man's eyes will pierce your soul. Kind of like Jesse Williams. - USA TODAY Sports

If you want hard-hitting, in-depth, post-draft analysis, there are plenty of other articles on this site for that. But if you're just here for the humor, then keep scrolling down...

For months now (and maybe even years), we here at Liberty Ballers thought that we were about that tanking life. Well, this past Thursday, we learned that Sam Hinkie is truly 'BOUT THAT LIFE. Michael Baumann put it best in his farewell message to Jrue Holiday: "Turns out, Sam Hinkie is even crazier than we are."

I can't speak for the rest of the staff here, but when it came to tanking, I was OK with taking the Rick Ross, faux-gangster-rapper-when-I-used-to-be-a-correctional-officer approach to things. Sure, I had no problem with the Sixers losing games, but if you asked me would I be willing to part ways with Jrue Holiday in order to do so, I don't know if I would have pushed the red button.

Conversely, Hinkie mashed the button like the dude slammed the domino on the table in the "Gin and Juice" video. So while some of you think you may know the lengths to which Hinkie will go in order to land a high pick next June, U.O.E.N.O.

On a related note, my good friend Marty McFly actually sent me a copy of the 2013-14 Sixers' highlight video.

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If the prospects of a 25-57 season bring a tear to your eye, just watch the video above: It'll make you feel better. If that doesn't work, click this link, start the video at the 22:50 mark and watch our fearless leader Michael Leeeevin in action. THAT will make you feel better.

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Forget about Anthony Bennett going No. 1 overall to the Cavs: The Cody Zeller domino is what made our new favorite GM go H.A.M. (Hinkie As a [Redacted]) in the Sixers' war room.

There's so much wrong in the tweet above: Not only is it unlikely that Zeller will end up being the best big in this year's draft, but he's certainly not going to be better than either Anthony Davis and Andre Drummond. Rich Cho: We don't believe you, you need more people.

As you can imagine, Bobcats' fans (all 2,700 of them) were not enamored with the pick. Michael Jordan reportedly ceded control of basketball operations last year to Cho, but this decision reeks of a man who hasn't yet grasped the concept of proper golf attire.

So thank you, MJ. Thank you for setting in motion the events that landed Nerlens Noel in Philly. I'm so excited, I'm ALMOST willing to purchase this monstrosity of a jacket from your Jumpman collection.

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Quite frankly, naps (much like Kevin Harlan, wasabi peas, and the first Allen Stone album) are criminally underrated.

Once Liberty Ballers assumes control of the world, I'll formally make my pitch that the United States should embrace the siesta, a common practice in Spain and many Latin American countries. Instead of a mere one-hour lunch, let's extend that to three hours so that we can all recharge our batteries for the final few hours of our workday.

There's really no downside this: Not only will it make everyone healthier, but there's a fair chance that we'll all be more productive as a result. Mid-day power naps are the best - just ask Eric Snow.

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What's up, Michael Carter-Williams? I see that Thaddeus Young has already welcomed you to our fine city, so I'll dispense with the formalities. There are a few things that you should know, however:

1) From here on out, you will be referred to as either MC-Dub or MC-Dubs (we here in Philly like to add an extra 's' to things for some unknown reason. Embrace it.)

2) The closest Krispy Kreme to PCOM is about 25 minutes away. I'm not sure how you'll keep the donuts hot for Thad and the rest of the guys, but I'm sure Arnett Moultrie can give you some tips.

3) If and when you run into Derek Bodner after practice and/or a game, tell him everything you know. Tell him things that you aren't supposed to make public. He's a good guy - he won't spill the beans.

4) Every Sunday here on Liberty Ballers, we highlight the "best" social media posts of the past week. Going forward, if you wouldn't mind using Vine and the native Twitter picture API instead of YFrog, we'd appreciate it.

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