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Tanking For Wiggins: How to Ensure the 76ers Finish with the Worst Record in the NBA

It's clear from Hinkie's move in the draft, trading Jrue and a 2nd rounder (Pierre Jackson) for Nerlens and a protected first round pick, that the 76er's are officially in rebuilding mode. Our best chance at turning the ship around and landing the best prospect since LeBron James is clear; tank this season hard. Now that seems brutal, maybe even excruciating for us to watch as fans. But what would be even worse than suffering through an entire season as the worst team in the NBA? Suffering through the entire season as one of the worst teams but then not landing Wiggins (or even Randle or Gordon or Parker). So, it is very important that we finish the season with as awful a record as possible (Ideally less than 10 wins).

Now we can't just forfeit the games, we have to at least make it look like we're kind of trying. Of course we also have the salary floor to worry about, but let's take a look at our current starting roster:

PG: MCW -Good tanking option (Starting a rookie at PG is pretty smart for tanking purposes, plus it lets him develop.)

SG: ET - Also a good tanking option honestly, but ideally we trade him for picks before the season starts

SF: Dorell Wright? Sounds good to me

PF: Thad. We MUST move him. Or convince him to play like ass on purpose, either way. Too efficient for a tanking team

C: Hawes - pretty good tanking option. Would like Kwame to start but it can't be that obvious right?

So we can agree, we have one of the worst rosters in the NBA now. This is excellent news. Where do we go from here?

Step 1: Sign inefficent free agents to overpaid 1-yr deals (As white and slow as possible please. Also please give Iverson a deal so he can retire with the 76er's this year, but actually let him play a lot too and insist he's still good despite shooting 1-20 every night)

Step 2: Move Thad, ET, and Hawes if possible. Thad most importantly, as he has the best trade value of anyone on the roster, and is undeniably too talented for the tank quad. Preferably trade him and ET+Hawes for as many picks as possible.

Step 3: Hire a Head Coach who is on board with the tanking. We could either hire a talented coach of the future or hire a really shitty coach to a 1 year deal for the tanking. I'm almost more on board with the latter, don't want the coach of our Wiggins/Noel squad to get too used to losing. My personal recommendation is that we hire Gucci Mane or someone equally as mentally inept to coach the team.

Step 4: Minimal team practices. That's right, Allen Iverson, your dream has come true. Instead of practicing as a team, let's just focus on developing our young talent. Put Nerlens on a weight building regimen, work on MCW's jump shot, send AI to an introduction to financial management class so he doesn't go bankrupt from his 1 year-7 million dollar deal within 3 months of retiring, etc.

Step 5: Speaking of Nerlens, sit him as long as possible. Pull a D-Rose and have him not play for months after he has been cleared by doctors. Hold out as long as possible, maybe even sit him all year if we already can't make the playoffs by the time he's supposed to come back.

Step 6: Perhaps most importantly- DON'T WIN THE CLOSE GAMES. I want the team as a whole to play at around 50-75% for the first three quarters. If, by some miracle, we are still in contention to win by the 4th, blow it hard. Don't try to get pretty and lose by 1, choke hard. Miss any and all free-throws, commit turnovers like there's no tomorrow, whatever it takes to get the L.

Step 6: Do NOT admit to tanking when asked by the media. Act upset by the lack of success, pretend to be ashamed of the team's awful play. Make excuses, blame injuries or fatigue I don't care, just don't admit to or even hint at losing on purpose.

Step 7: This goes along with step 6, but don't make it obvious while playing that we're losing on purpose. Hit the rim at least; only about 15% of our shots can be airballs before everyone calls us out on it.

If you have any suggestions on how we can further ensure the worst record in the NBA, please feel free to add them in the comments section. The Sixers FO needs to make sure they have considered all the best tanking ideas!

Another user-created LB joint.

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