(with a h/t to our buddy @KyleNeubeck for getting me thinking along these lines. Read his stuff. It's good.)
I love Hinkie. You love Hinkie. We all love Hinkie. Pretty much everyone here would be happy to have some Hinkie-Pank-y. He's considered by Those Who Should Know to be one of the smartest guys around the NBA these days, and that he was a fantastic hire for us.
However, your Good Old Uncle Dweeb is here to pee on your parade. Like always.
First, it's good to be back in the FanPosts. I've been on something of a sabbatical, being busy with work and parenthood and not having enough time to write out long, fulsome thoughts on the State of the Sixers through my crusty old eyes, but rather limiting my artistry to a few comments in the various threads. But as the #3 overall pick in the LB Draft and the Unofficial Go-To Guy for Team Baumann (POINTZZZZZZZ!!!!!!), I feel it's my obligation to get back out there and remind you guys Whooz Tha BOSS!!!
To business, then. Like we do every year, we are spending a huge amount of time and energy discussing the draft, because, y'know, the GM always cares enormously about our collective opinion on who should be the pick. Which is why PJIII is our starting smal...oops. Sorry.
But this year, there's a sense among us here in the LB Community that somehow things are going to be different. That GM Excel Spreadsheet is going to run his numbers and out will pop a SUPER-DI-DUPER-STAR!!!!! that no one else thought of, and this unknown SDDS!!!!! will be a core member of Team Hinkie-Pank-y as they make their 2016 run to dethrone Miami.
Meanwhile, the national 'heads are unanimous in matching us up with one of the Three Boring Big Brothers (Zeller, Olynyk, or Money Ma$e). So, clearly, they don't watch the Sixers. Many of them also think Spencer Hawes is good, so we understand how much their opinion means.
Now, I bow to no one in my respect for Mr. Hinkie, the Xcel Poo, at least in theory. But other than other people's word on it, what do we really know? Hinkie's plan is a complete unknown. Not a single card has been tipped as to where his prodigious mind is. On anything at all.
All I'm saying here is, until he does something, anything, anything at all, really, we have no idea whether he's going to be awesome or not. We have no idea who he likes as a coach. We have no idea who he likes as players. We have no idea what he thinks about T-Shirt Cannons. We don't know who he likes for mascot. In general, we know about as much as Jon Snow.
What I'm saying, if I'm saying anything at all, is "Welcome Back!" Also, that until Hinkie does one single thing to show me his geniusness other than show up, I'm not going to assume his geniusness. He could very well be just as capable of drafting one of the Three Boring Big Brothers as Doug Collins was.
We've all been around the Sixers long enough to know that delicious taste of disappointment as it curls bitter about our tongues. Until I see one single move of any kind, I'm not going to get my hopes all up that one man can undo 30 years of consistent Sixersing. For my money, until proven otherwise, Hinkie is Doug Collins or Billy King or John F'n Lucas or whichever moron decided it would be a good idea to trade Moses Malone.
Being a Sixers fan is a little like (in a spiritual sense) being that beaten housewife on "Cops." "They don't mean nuthin' by it. It's just their way, they go outta their head sometimes and do crazy things. They just do it to make me a better fan. Deep down, I know they love me." They'll keep on beating us, we'll keep on loving them.
The law is, Sixers until proven Not Sixers.
So. The Gauntlet is cast. Show me something, Sam Hinkie. Amaze me. Make me a believer. Don't Sixers this.