You've Got Sixers Email, Vol. 6: Editorial Dashboard Confessional

Need better ups for flag football, buddy. - USA TODAY Sports

The humans of Liberty Ballers discuss life, love and playing flag football with Dorell Wright.

Michael Levin
What's more likely -- us continuing this public thread until the end of time, or the return of Speezy Sez as a feature?

Derek Bodner
I still follow Speezy and I'll occasionally retweet some of the crazy stuff he says. I think Speezy says was one of the best things we ever had on the site and think it should be posted across the entire SBN network.

Give me the Speez.

Justin F.
As long as I'm on board, the continuing with our public thread until the end of time.

When I was in high school, I had a crush on this girl and would always communicate with her via e-mail. Every day. This might explain why she has not spoken to me in 5 years and ignored my Facebook friend request. I could use this as a jumping off point to talk about the overall fecklessness of my personal love life, but instead, I'll just re-assure you that as long as I'm around, the e-mails will never die.

Rich Hoffmann
Justin's situation sounds sort of similar to what happened with Bynum this season. Anyone know Andrew's email?

Michael Levin
This email thread can turn into romance sob stories really, really quickly. I avenged an elementary school crush while I was home last week. High-fived 11-year-old me. Wept. All the good stuff.

Michael Baumann
I remember romance. About once every three months, from age 14 to 18, I'd find a girl at school who I thought had low-enough self-esteem to go out with me, ask her out, and she'd say no. Repeat until college. I imagine this is what Sam Hinkie is going through with potential coaches right now.

Michael Levin
I wrote a lot of letters.

Michael Baumann
God, I wrote letters too. Oh, what letters. And I got a guitar for Christmas when I was 14 and then I started writing songs, and it was even worse.

Dave Rueter
This is a particularly depressing email list.

Michael Levin
How's married life, Dave? The women of the tri-state area are working on a Remember This Weiner: Dave Rueter, sources say.

Semi-believable dialogue from Dave's college hookups:
"Do you have a condom?"
"Does Eric Snow's jump shot have range out to 14 feet?"

Brandon Lee
The most awkward of all the tensions.

Michael Baumann
Don't be mean to Dave. I hear that in college, he was a high-volume shooter with range out the building. I'd throw a Jon Crispin comp on him.

Tanner Steidel
Ever heard of a Niagara tennis star going home on a Saturday without a lady on his arm and skippy in his cup? Neither have I.

Dave Rueter
"Yea, you can come over. But not until Game 6 of the Sixers/Hornets is over. Oh, and swing by the dining hall on your way. Your boo has a hankering for some curly fries."

Michael Baumann
A predestined desire for some Hinkie Pank-y, you might say.

Michael Levin
I'll allow it.

Roy Burton
Really disappointed in us that it took this long to drop the Hinkie-Panky thing. As a former coach in this town often said, we gotta do a better job.

Brandon Lee
Well to answer Mike's original question, I don't think we'll ever run out of material for these threads.

Sean O'Connor
The thread should end here.

Justin F.
Disagree. It should end with the fact Levin had a typo in the subject header and this is actually the "Pubic Email Thread."

I just noticed this now, but that really explains so much.

Roy Burton
You really think that was a typo?

Michael Levin
This is the next Dan Brown novel.

Michael Baumann
Are we gonna talk about basketball at any point? Like about how happy we all should be that we don't have to learn to spell Budenholzer? [Editorial note: About 12 hours passed without a single response]

Michael Levin
*crickets*

Justin F.
In his latest mock draft at SB Nation, Jonathan Tjarks as the Sixers drafting Allen Crabbe 11th overall. That is a new one.

Michael Levin
It's based on who he thinks teams *should* take, rather than who they will. Shabazz, Olynyk, Gobert, and McCollum dropped a ton in there.

Roy Burton
FYI, here's Crabbe's draft diary - this sounds like the polar opposite of "turnt up."

Rich Hoffmann
Snap judgment: I saw Allen Crabbe play for like one half in the tournament and he was awful. He really stinks.

I'm only half joking.

Michael Levin
Sixers not going to Summer League. I'm gonna go jump in this bottle of bourbon for the next few months.

Tanner Steidel
It is scotch Wednesday after all.

Roy Burton
Well, they are playing in the ORLANDO Summer League. So there's that.

Buck up, Levin. This just gives you more time to catch the "Tournament of Kings" show at the Excalibur.

Dave Rueter
I'd like to film a The Wizard-like mockumentary with Roy where we travel cross-country to Vegas and play video games along the way.

All seven Zeller Brothers would greet us at Summer League with open arms.

"The Power Glove. It's so bad," said Roy to Brother Luke. We would then share tales of pop-a-shot dominance and Double Dragon hi-scores.

Rich Hoffmann
I'll make a basketball point. This has to be my favorite thing ever in the Draft Express video scouting reports, which is saying something. Come on, Shabazz. Your team just won!

Michael Levin
That was like Mike Levin circa 1996.

Roy Burton
Non-basketball point: I'll only do said mockumentary with Dave if - while driving to Vegas - we stop at places that have been featured on Man v. Food and/or Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. BTW, we'll only be able to meet 6 of the Zeller brothers: Cody will be busy with the Sixers in the Orlando Summer League.

Basketball point: As much as I'd like to, there's no way to defend what Shabazz did right there. This is the most entertaining video I've seen since Miguel hit that girl with the atomic leg drop.

Tanner Steidel
L-l-l-l-l-l-l-let my leg adorn you.

Michael Levin
Important question. Should I go to this? Not a great area but I feel like Dorell would keep me safe.

Bljttwxcaaaiown_medium

Michael Baumann
They make flyers for flag football games in L.A.? They can't just call around and see who wants to play?

Michael Levin
Psh. You'd never Make It out here.

Justin F.
Dorell Wright and Brandon Jennings? Could there be two more random basketball players?

Michael Levin
They went to high school 20 minutes from each other in LA. Dorell's older though.

Justin F.
Didn't realize they were that close to each other in LA. Shows you my SoCal geography knowledge (but I did know they did both come from the LA/SoCal area so YAY ME)

Roy Burton
I'd rather you go to this.

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