The NBA Draft Lottery is, miraculously, tonight. With the 11th worst overall record, the Sixers currently have a 2.9% chance of finding their way into a top 3 pick in this year's draft (and a 6% chance of dropping past 11th). That's mostly well and good, until you remember percent means out of a 100 and 2.9% is just slightly less than a 3 out of 100 chance. On the plus side, this is a significantly better chance than winning the Powerball. On the minus side, this does not look good.
But fear not! I have come up with some (possibly) foolproof ways for you, yes You, to help the Sixers increase their chances at landing in the Top 3 in the Draft lottery!
- Think of your son.
- Think of Andre Iguodala's son.
- Write a letter to Adm Aron asking the Sixers to knock the #11 pick out of the pank tonight.
- Wake up as King Arthur, call on the immortal Merlin, and make magic happen.
- Repeatedly scream "THE SIXERS WILL GET A TOP THREE PICK" every time you use a stapler at work. Hopefully it's a big stapling day at the office.
- Fire a confetti cannon with each keystroke.
- Sever your left pinky toe as a tribute offering to Lucy.
- Create a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet in honor of the new Sixers General Manager.
- Wearing a Sixers jersey, slip David Stern a 20 when you bump into him on the street.
- Draft a 15,000 word essay on the importance of late night text messaging in basketball.
- Sneak into WIP's studios and burn all tapes of Angelo Cataldi talking about the Dirty Thirty.
- Douse yourself in lube.
- Walk around town with a yellow umbrella calling yourself The Top Three Pick.
- Take a poop. Take another.
- Re-watch the 1993 NBA Draft Lottery.
- Pour one out for Shawn Bradley's career.
- Re-watch the 2010 NBA Draft Lottery because once the Sixers get a top 3 pick what can possibly go wrong?
Please report back any and all findings!