I sat down in front of my computer screen last night knowing that I had a Sixers-Hawks preview to write. I had originally planned to start off the preview by talking about how the Milwaukee Buck's magic number to clinch a playoff spot is down to 2. I went on to explain how that meant the Sixers could officially be eliminated from playoff contention with a Sixers loss to the Hawks and a Bucks win over the Knicks. I imagined some, those in favor of tanking, would be delighted by that news.
"No playoffs means the Sixers get to keep their lottery protected first round draft pick, you see," I explained.
Others might have not been so OK with that scenario. There's plenty of PRIDE left to play for, after all.
In any case, that's not the preview I wrote. It wasn't good enough. Too short. Not enough material. So what did I do? The thing I always do when I get stuck on a Sixers post idea. Text my friend Justin Bieber.
ME: Yo, biebs, you got any ideas for this Sixers preview I have to do?
BIEBER: lol wht r the sixers and don't call me biebs
ME: Good question biebs. Believe it or not, they're actually a professional basketball team
BIEBER: lol w - t- f ive never heard of them r u sure
ME: I'm sure, biebs. So can you help me out or not?
BIEBER: wait who r u how did u get this #???
ME: It's Brandon Lee, biebs. We met at that concert a year back. Remember?
BIEBER: um dont txt this # anymore how about u bother my friend Usher instead [USHER'S PHONE NUMBER REDACTED]
ME: It's been real, biebs. Thanks for the help.
BIEBER: omg dont call me biebs!!!1
I proceeded to call Usher and we had a nice chat. Good dude. He said he'd gladly help me write this Sixers-Hawks preview since they're playing in his hometown of A-TOWN. He even went to the length to send me a shortened re-write of his hit song, Confessions Part II. Here's how it turned out.
Titled: "Depressions Part II"
Yo I'm on the blog,
I'm gonna call you right back..
Na, I just gotta write this Sixers preview I'm gonna call you back..
I'm on the blog, what… Man, quit playing with me, man.
No, for real don't play like that…
Are you, are you serious? How you know?
Put that on everything. I'ma call you back. I'ma call you back.
Every time I was at Liberty Ballers, I was with my blog friends
Every time you called I told you "Sixers, baby, I'm bloggin'"
Nooo, I was watching you play like dirt
Ohhh, wasn't thinkin' about Andrew Bynum getting hurt.
I was Sixersing at Xfinity Live like man, not givin a thought as to who sees me.
Season so gone, so wrong.
Actin' like people were actually watching the game at home.
Thinkin about you, being the mediocre-to-terrible team that you are, but you probably believe you got a good chance
A good chance at beating the Hawks and making the playoffs
But brace yourself, it ain't good. And it would be the worst if you actually made the playoffs..
I know you're the Sixers.
I know you're terrible.
But there's more. Listen…
Tip off is at 7:30PM. The game thread will drop around 7.