Holy nutsack it's a big day for basketball. First, Jason Collins did something really awesome. Then the NBA beat the crap on the Maloofs and collected their displaced teeth into a tiny jar. Though we as a network certainly feel for Seattle and hope they get a franchise back someday soon, the Kings are Sacramento's team and they will justly remain Sacramento's team. Here they stay, indeed.
A banner day for rational thought. And in keeping with that, let's stay civil and friendly and hugsy in the open thread below. To all new people: Hello, my name is Mike and I spend a lot of time blogging about the Sixers. Feel free to send flowers and balloons and chocolates with Damien Wilkins' face on them.
I will not force you to watch the Sixers tonight, but I will force you to watch this .gif of Doug Collins telling Spencer Hawes to sit his ass on the cot-damned bench. Sweet, sweet justice.
Monday's Playoff Game Schedule:
Brooklyn has their backs firmly up against the wall and their butts firmly clenched after coughing up a Sure Thing (TM) in Game 4. Expect Nate Robinson to take 49 shots in 11 minutes of action. Expect Derrick Rose to wear a suit. Expect lots of WHERE BROOKLYN AT? either in jest or in for-seriousness. The lack of Kirk Hinrich does serious damage to my comedy repertoire this evening.
I wish I didn't find the Hawks so boring but MAN I FIND THE HAWKS SO BORING. Maybe if they moved from Atlanta to, like, Stone Mountain, then I'd shift biases but I cannot muster up the brain power to conclude they're anything but a bland stepping stone for better teams for the next half-century.
Oh heyyyyyyy Paul George. How've you been? Have you been working ou-- Oh you have? Yeah them's some nice rear delts on ya. Do you want to ge-- oh, right. Yeah I have to leave... also. See ya later, I guess. Whatever, totally cool. No big. *smells palm* *never showers again*
I've spent the better part of this series in a psychological arm wrestling match with my left and right brain over these two gorgeous basketball teams. OKC, the perfectly constructed strongman with quirkiness to spare, now having lost the unbreakable Russell Westbrook to injury, which leaves a widowed Kevin Durant whose disdain for second place has me literally lifting houses. Houston, those analytical rogues who do absolutely everything I want to see on a basketball court and combine it with names of players I can only write about as exclamatories. James Harden! Chandler Parsons! Thomas Robinson! Donatas Motiejunas! Greg Smith! Francisco Garcia? If Royce White weren't so OH GOD ROYCE WHITE, I'd move to Houston and be Daryl Morey's pool boy.
I LOVE YOU GUYS