We do our best here at Liberty Ballers to make watching the Sixers -- oftentimes blind old lady porn -- a little more enjoyable for us all. The Sixers and their fans (us) are the joke and we tell it again and again until it gets old and we have to think of something clever to write. Dear friends: It hasn't gotten old yet.
The Philadelphia 76ers have acquired the dormant Utah Flash D-League franchise: The team will now be known as the Delaware 87ers, and they will begin playing games this November at the Bob Carpenter Center in Newark, Del.
If I wasn't pissing myself with joy, I'd be legitimately angry for not thinking of this first. I had assumed it'd be something generically stupid like "Freedom" or "Pride" or even, maybe, "Liberty." But they've not only outdone themselves... they've outdone me.
The Delaware 87ers. That's enough. Dayenu. That would be enough to make me gleefully buy an 87ers shirsey and drive down to UDel for a game and get, like, Demetris Nichols and Morris Almond to sign my ass.
But they had to go and nickname themselves "The Sevens" to make it that much sweeter and Sixersy. As a friend of mine reminded me this weekend, I've claimed a host of happenings The Most Sixers Thing Ever. But this -- YES, THIS -- is THE MOST SIXERS THING EVER, OFFICIALLY.
And we break it down:
The Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers. It's a long name. 12 letters with a hyphen. They could max out Damien Wilkins in the time it takes to spell that out. It's no great mystery why they shortened it to Sixers, conversationally.
Now: The Delaware Eighty-Seveners. Oh. Erm... well that's a little more mouthfullish, isn't it? Big fan of numbers, are we? Delaware history though, I get it. And it stays true to the Sixers brand. Okay, let's jusWAIT A SECOND YOU'RE CALLING THEM THE SEVENS?!
Why, exactly, didn't just name the team the Eighty-Sevens and proceed to use the Sevens nicknaWHO CARES LOOK AT THIS VINE VIDEO AND LIFE IS GREAT.
Welcome to Delaware! vine.co/v/bxhqFgF6egM— Delaware Sevens (@Sevens) April 27, 2013
Adam Aron told me it'll grow on me. Well, Adam, it already has. Like a fungus. Like the best fungus. It's my favorite thing in a lifetime full of favorite things. I am Tom Ripley. This is my Dickie Greenleaf. I am drunk with elation over this name.
From Wikipedia: "To be 'at sixes and sevens' is a British English idiom used to describe a state of confusion or disarray."
Because Sixers. That is why. That is really all you need to know. The Sixers, these beautiful Sixers, simply swapped out a few numbers and letters and BAM, there's your D-League team. They Sixered this whole thing to a perfectly-sculpted T. So Sixers. So Sevens. Sevens Be Crazy. Sixers Be Sevens.
If you don't love this name, I don't know what to tell you. You may be legally dead. Because I'm all Sixers and Sevens and I'm wild about this franchise. Your Philadelphia 76ers: For the hilarity.