You've Got Sixers Email Vol. 2: The Draft, Catfishing and Big White Guys

The next coach of the Sixers? - Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

This week, we're talking about potential draft picks and playing Jeopardy with Derek's nightmares.

Most of what we write about the Sixers goes into angry, rambling, semi-coherent emails that go unpublished. Until now. The following program has been edited for content and to fit the time allotted.

Michael Levin:
So, uh, Mike Brown and Brian Shaw seem to have something in common. A pretty, pretty, pretty big thing.

Michael Baumann:
Nine-letter names? Baldness?

Sean O'Connor:
For other teams, both of those coaches come up as leading candidates (though I'm not sure why in Mike Brown's case - his Lakers stint was pretty awful, and I'm not sure I want him leading a rebuilding effort anyway). So they have that in common at least. Of course, they also have an afroed bowling enthusiast in common too, which makes them about a million times more interesting candidates for us. The question is, of course, how much is the Bynum option going to affect the coaching search? Or is it pure coincidence that two leading candidates happened to coach him?

Derek Bodner:
I feel like this is jeopardy, and it was the answer to the question "exactly the type of guys I want no part of".

My hope is that this is idle speculation based off their familiarity with Bynum and that the interest is not legitimate.

Rich Hoffman:
I can imagine Trebek saying, "No we were looking for Terry Porter. Terry Porter, former Bucks and Suns coach. Derek, you still have control of the board."

Michael Levin:
Feeling like a Terry Porter/Bobby Jackson dating show where they're both the hosts AND contestants would kill ratings-wise.

Brandon Lee:
The Bynum connection doesn't make sense to me re: Brown. It seems like Bynum didn't even like him anyway.

...and as I write this, it looks like the Cavs are coming close to a deal with their former coach.

Dave Rueter:
Bobby Jackson has my vote. The Kings Summer League Team really seemed to respond to his coaching style. Heckuva blackjack player, too.

Tanner Steidel:
Bobby Jackson aka Not Tony Delk

Sent from my iPhone

Michael Levin:
Not Tony Delk could really light it up. The whole Delk clan could. Reginald, Richard, Dedalus, Delk, Duany, Littlefoot... all of 'em.

Michael Baumann:
I'd be okay with Bobby Jackson if only because he was on those turn-of-the-century Sacramento Kings teams that would have won a title if the refs didn't give the Lakers every disputed call from 1999-2003, and on top of that, allow Kobe to elbow Mike Bibby in the throat with the game on the line in the conference final and not call anything.

Tanner Steidel:
I'd take a bobby Jackson/White Chocolate tandem coaching. Especially if they did a modern day team promotional video of the sweet Nike streetball dribbling commercial. I bet Spencer's take would be life changing.

Michael Levin:
Eagles just drafted Chasey Lain. Can she play for the Sixers?

Sean O'Connor:
Speaking of drafts, is it too soon to talk about the NBA one here? Can we at least discuss what we'd like to get or what we want the Sixers to look for?

Derek Bodner:
We've started talking about the draft in December before. It's never too early around here.

Michael Levin:
I will be driving the TRADE UP! or TRADE DOWN! trains from here until Tallahassee. Staying at 11 would be the worst thing. Short of trading the pick for Drew Gooden and a Big Bang Theory lanyard.

Justin F.:
Beautiful segue, Sean.

It does not matter what we want the Sixers to do at the Draft. They are going to stay at 11 and draft Mason Plumlee. We all know this.

Roy Burton:
Shoot... I'd talk about the 2014 draft if you all would let me. #TeamWiggins

Sean O'Connor:
I'm with Levin, by the way. 11 is a terrible spot to be at in this draft. I'd feel a lot more comfortable with the likely available options at, say, 17 than 11. Or I'd like to pick top 6. Right in the middle of a wasteland.

Anyway, I have a hard time seeing them pick Plumlee unless he's far and away their BPA. I can't imagine that being the case, but, you never know.

Michael Baumann:
Does Plumlee have an accent as awesome as Lane Johnson's? Because I'm all for drafting enormous white guys, but only if they have awesome accents.

Michael Levin:
Brandon, you're an enormous white guy -- care to weigh in?

Brandon Lee:
Sure. I'm about 270 or so.

Michael Baumann:
Is Brandon enormous? I have no idea what most of y'all look like. For that matter, I'm pretty sure the only one of you guys I've met in person is Roy. Am I being catfished?

Dave Rueter:
Sorry, Mike. We can't meet up next week. My agent called. Wants me to fly to Paris for a model shoot. You understand.

Michael Baumann:
So in conclusion, we don't want the Sixers to draft anyone at No. 11. Just go "Neener neener neener I can't hear you" when the clock starts. Seems fitting enough.

Michael Levin:
I'd be cool with them Vikingsing it for the hilarity, for sure.

Michael Baumann:
Sixers basketball: For the hilarity.

Michael Levin:
For the kids!

Michael Baumann:
For your love.

Roy Burton:
For your love.

Michael Baumann:
Well I was going for the Yardbirds reference, but whatever.

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