Your Official Sixers Are Not In The NBA Playoffs Thread

USA TODAY Sports

The Sixers will not lose today. GUARANTEED.

I am very excited for the playoffs. On one hand, we finally get to watch good basketball. We deserve that, I think. On the other, ZOMG THE WESTERN CONFERENCE I AM MOIST. I'd watch the games sitting down if I were you. When you start seeing offenses move the ball and get good looks, it may cause dizziness and confusion. You'll want to be sitting.

The Sixers will be playing Pocketball today, which for those unfamiliar, entails sticking your hand in your pocket and subtly adjusting your genitals. The last person to get caught by a teacher or an aunt or the cute but very naive girl sitting next to you in homeroom wins. Storied history of Pocketball. Visit Pocketball-Reference.com for the all-time leaders. My money's on Lavoy Allen to win this one.

In actual NBA action today, we kick things off with the Knicks and Celtics. If you're a True Philadelphia Fan, you're currently in both team locker rooms inserting heavy amounts of laxative into their Gatorade. Since I am not a True Philadelphia Fan, I'll be rooting for the Knicks. Seth at P&T is my friend and Knicks fans have suffered an awful lot over the years. Plus, screw the Celtics. (except avery bradley i love you avery hi avery)

Check Posting and Toasting and Celtics Blog for all that.

Then we have Golden State and Denver, in what will surely give me the biggest Pants Tent of my life. I love both teams. I am sad about Kenneth Faried and Danilo Gallinari but Evan Fournier is starting! Evan Fournier! Evan! Fournier! And I could watch Steph Curry and Klay Thompson come off screens and shoot lights out all night long. Here's Denver Stiffs and Golden State of Mind.

Chicago and Brooklyn after that, ensuring an untimely nap for me. I feel pretty bad about Derrick Rose. If anybody knows how it feels to be dragged on a full season of Will He Won't He, it's Sixers fans. Plus I love watching D-Rose play. Brooklyn's pretty good. I don't have much more to say about them. Hit up my pal Matt at Blog-A-Bull and the highly efficient folks at Nets Daily.

Finally, Memphis/LAC. It feels like these teams were destined to play each other. Memphis is such a unique team but I find myself very disinterested in them. Marc Gasol is cool. Mike Conley, sure. I just want to see Chris Paul go deep into the Playoffs. Clips Nation and Grizzly Bear Blues are your people for that.

So use this thread for playoff predictions or hat predictions or dereliction predictions.

For my first round, I've got OKC in 6, SA in 7, Denver in 5, LAC in 7, Miami in 4 (sorry Bucks.), Knicks in 6 (because rhymes), Pacers in 5, Nets in 6. I assume all of these will be correct and you should too.

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