76ers Sunday Morning Shootaround: The Drumline Edition

USA TODAY Sports

In this edition of the Sunday Morning Shootaround, we discuss perms, Nick Cannon's finest movie, and what to do in Miami. If it isn't clear that the Sixers are terrible this year, it will be by the end of this post.

Pargo-vine_medium

While I was trying to think of a logical reason why Doug would start Charles Jenkins - CHARLES F. JENKINS - against the Miami Heat, I came across this video on Vine courtesy of the Sixers' Twitter feed. In it, 64-year-old Aaron McKie is shown giving Jeremy Pargo that work in the pre-game warmups.

This clip highlights both the stupidity and brilliance of Vine, a video-sharing service that allows you to tell any story that you want in moving picture form with absolutely zero ability to put these things in the proper context. After playing in the NBA for 33 years, I would be worried if the 72-year-old McKie COULDN'T knock down a 12-foot jumper while going at 1/4 speed against a player who Doug thinks is worse than CHARLES F. JENKINS.

All that said, according to Wikipedia (which is always true), Vine is a great way to market yourself and/or product. Notre Dame LB Manti Te'o wanted to make a Vine of his 40-yard dash at the NFL combine, but the service limits users to six-second clips.

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Jeremy Pargo's life is filled with so much fail at this point. A 77-year-old assistant coach is hitting jump shots over him. The team he recently joined is 2-9 since his arrival. And nine days before his birthday, Pargo goes to Miami and does... absolutely nothing.

I understand if hanging out on South Beach and getting "turnt up" isn't his thing. But if you visit Miami and don't go to Joe's Stone Crab and/or have at least one authentic Cuban sandwich and/or smoke a cigar (or 3) dipped in cognac and/or blow money fast at King of Diamonds like former correctional officer rapper Rick Ross, then you aren't playing this game called "life" correctly.

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Evan-wafflehouse_medium

While the Sixers were down in Atlanta, Evan Turner posted the above photo on Instagram. You can probably figure out what happened next...

  • evanalmighty12 I needed this #wafflehouse
  • jmaker32saint @evanalmighty12 fat boy
  • maalik_shaakur Mayb it'll make y'all win
  • elias1w Dude u r an athlete u can't eat ish like dat
  • covy Lol at people telling @evanalmighty12 what to eat and do. Athletes have free time and choices on what to eat like normal people.
  • gleb_s Drink apple juice, 'cause OJ will kill you
  • altunbas_ Way to celebrate a loss! @evanalmighty12
  • ellceeorlc What you need is to stop missing layups bro. You missed about 5 of em last night. Keep takin it to the whole 64 points in the paint need more of that
  • willnei @ellceeorlc really? Taking it to the "whole". Go back to school and get off Instigram
  • freshlawd The guy is playing great basketball all you retards can shut the f**k up. And that looks tasty @evanalmighty12
  • 49erjtb Stop cryn 2 the refs n ball man! Ur game is nice but play 2 the whistle!!

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This is two years old, but this is still one of the greatest posts in Twitter history.

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Maybe it's old age, maybe it's nostalgia, but I don't hate these as much as I used to.

These, of course, are the early-90s Sixers' jerseys that Charles Barkley said looked like something that his daughter designed. And while these are far too hideous to be worn every night, I won't mind seeing these once or twice a year as throwbacks (I think they will be wearing these this season, though I'm not sure when). If nothing else, they're FAR BETTER than these hideous Raptors' jerseys.

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Swaggy-shag_medium

Despite what Trey Kerby of The Basketball Jones and Spencer Hawes want to tell you, this is, in fact, a shag haircut. Or, as Nick Young calls it, the "Shaggy P."

On his Instagram post, Young said that "It's time for a Chang", and this is definitely a huge "chang" from his previous look. The shag has been around for a while (singer Barry White went to one after wearing permanents for years), but the best/worst shag ever is the one that Eddie Murphy sported in the Oscar-nominated Vampire in Brooklyn. And lest we forget, Jermaine Jackson (of Jackson 5 fame) used to have an infamous shag before he did whatever this is to his hair.

Hawes' mullet days are over, but he still made it a point to debut a silly new 'do this week as well.

Your 2012-13 Sixers: Where the hairstyles of players currently on the inactive list are more entertaining than the action on the court.

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Hold up... wait a [redacted] minute. What in the entire [redacted] is this?

Far be it from me to tell millionaires how to spend their money, but Sixers' management has to know that this isn't the answer to their attendance issues, right? There is absolutely no one in the Delaware Valley thinking "Man... Ayla Brown and Big Bertha and the Flight Squad are OK, but I CAN'T WAIT to see the Sixers' new drumline! That's just the thing that will help me forget that we ended up with virtually nothing from the Andrew Bynum trade!!" Sometimes, I think they mistake us for Charlotte Bobcats' fans...

Before I go on, let me just say that I don't want to throw shade on any members of the Sixers Drumstix themselves. I ride with anyone who represents Temple University, and if the Sixers wanted to pay me to do what I do best (play NBA Live '95) in front of thousands of people, then I'd jump at the chance.

That said, if anyone has ever seen a halftime show during a game between two HBCUs - hell... if anyone has watched more than 10 minutes of Drumline - they know that the Drumstix have their work cut out for them. If you think I'm the only one upset about this, then you must have missed this classic post from Michael Levin yesterday.

You can't watch Grambling and Southern at the Bayou Classic, and then think the Drumstix are on the same level. It's like going back to 7/11 or Wal-Mart sushi after eating at the chef's table at Morimoto. Besides, by the time the Drumstix come out onto the court, the Sixers will probably be down by double-digits. At that point, you could have Nick Cannon himself show up, and he'd still get booed. Even if he did add a little somethin' somethin' on the end...


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