Magic vs. Sixers Preview: Ugh, Ew, Please, Why, Anything But This

Business as usual. - Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

Hey did you see that movie about those old people dying? That's everyone watching this game.

Both the Sixers and the Magic have lost five consecutive games. The unfortunate thing for both franchises and people who like watching basketball is that one of these teams must win this game.

Try as they might to give it up, a home game against Orlando is nearly impossible to lose. They've lost 17 of their last 18 and haven't won a game on the road in a month and a half. The Sixers would actually have to try to lose this game. It'd be very tough, but I think they can do it.

And here's how!

SIXERS FOOLPROOF PLAN FOR LOSING TO THE MAGIC AT HOME

1. Run the normal offense.

2. Rest Jrue Holiday and Jeremy Pargo.

3. Play Evan Turner 48 minutes, giving him free reign.

4. Thaddeus Young is injured, so play him 48 minutes as well.

5. Play Spencer Hawes 48 minutes, only split his time in half - 24 minutes for being regular ol' Spence and 24 for being the Sixers new mascot, Zombie the Dragon. Find a loophole in the rulebook that allows you to play six men at a time if one of those men is the mascot.

6. Really, just the normal offense is fine.

7. Have Doug spend the entire third quarter watching Maurice Harkless oil himself.

8. Tell Kwame we're back in 2002 and he's supposed to be a franchise player.

9. Make a derogatory St. Bonaventure joke at Andrew Nicholson.

10. Forget to practice for your O.W.L.'s and earn a "TROLL" grade.

With all that in mind, let's see how the Sixers manage to Sixers this one tonight! Reason enough to keep watching, America?

Philadelphia 76ers Tickets right here.

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