All I really want to be gained from reading this, is a collective movement to refer to James Anderson as Tank Anderson from this point forward. It seems too perfect.
Coming into this season, we all knew as Sixers fans that there wouldn't be much to cling onto aside from losses and optimism for a brighter future. While our front office spent the off season hoarding cap space and making uninspiring signings, the plan was set:
(1) Lose a lot of games.
(2) Build around promising draft picks.
This plan was set as we headed into late October. Nerlens Noel was going to Blake Griffin his rookie season. Michael Carter-Williams, a young and raw point guard was given the keys to the offense. Our bench had 2nd tier D-League talent. Kwame was being Kwame. All was good in the world.
But then the 3-0 start happened. Philly basketball was the talk of the sports' world and being a Philadelphia 76ers fan was a badge of honor - a badge that hasn't been a positive badge in a long, long time. Writers all over the World Wide Web began trying to make sense of it all. And although 2 straight losses have brought this glorious franchise back down to Earth, anyone can see that basketball is exciting in Philly again.
"The tank is on!," my father yelled after the Wizards hit more threes than they had in the history of their combined lives. What most people don't realize however is that the tank was always on, 3-0 start or not. The Sixers will not tank on purpose (via a lack of effort, which is admirable). That would be disrespectful to the game of basketball (What's up Boston? That's right, tell Gerald Wallace to hoist as many threes as possible!). The Sixers are tanking by design.
And no one embodies this design more than starting (hahahahaha) shooting guard James "Tank" Anderson. Tank Anderson came to Philly with career averages of 3.8 ppg and... well yeah, he sucked. Looking further into Tank's history, he faced a few injury troubles while trying to stick with San Antonio and Houston, but ultimately he's just not that good at basketball. One recent quote by my father summed up Tank's impact on the 76ers as we watched a game:
"Man, J-Rich got fat. And his shooting really fell off! Wait. I thought he wasn't due back until midseason."
Ask your 24 year old girlfriend how she'd feel to be mixed up between a girl turning 33 in January. I did it, and the glare I got has me watching tonight's Sixers game by myself tonight. But it's okay because just like with the Sixers, things will get better. I hope.
Sticking with positivity and because we all love acronyms, let's break down Sam Hinkie's tanking plan:
T - Tony Wroten. For starters, I love Tony. Shout out to #TeamWhop. But the Tony Wro Show should never be your best bench player. He's our best bench player by leaps and bounds.
A - (Tank) Anderson. See above. Aside from resembling what Jason Richardson will look like when he returns from injury, Anderson shoots often and willingly. I'm all about confidence, but watching Anderson chuck threes brings us back to the Eric Snow midrange jumper days.
N - Nerlens Noel. "Oh, your knee will be fine in a few weeks? Eh, let's just sit this one out. Go get Rookie of the Year next year Nerlens! Blake did it! Wiggins? We have no idea who you're talking about." - Hinkie
K - Kwame. I have nothing but respect for someone that can legitimately acquire millions of dollars legally for doing nothing.
The Sixers are amazing. And as a fan, I can't help but be excited for this year and next. Trades, losses, and fun - that's what I expect to see over the next few months but just like that 3-0 start, you can never know with these guys. But with Tank Anderson leading Operation: "T.A.N.K," I expect us to go into this summer with options aplenty. EVEN BILLY KING COULDN'T MESS THIS UP!
Sike. (Glances at Kenny Thomas Fathead Sticker)