I'll get right to the point. A long story short: the Sixers are going to bad this year. You know, I know it, Andrew Wiggins knows it, everyone knows it. There's no question about it. Ultimately, it will (ideally) pay off in the long run, so it's cool. In the mean time, there will be lots and lots of losing.
But what isn't so clear is... exactly how bad will they be? New levels of bad? Do we need to create news words or phrases to describe their ineptitude? Why, yes. Yes, we do. That's why I'm here today, Sixers fans. It's time to define just how bad the 2013-2013 Sixers will be. Shout out to the Liberty Ballers facebook page for some of these suggestions.
Feel free to make up your own in the comments.
NO. I promise nothing can be as bad as that experience last year. I think.
Winless (for Wiggins)
0-82, the obvious ideal. They won't need to be that bad to get him though.
Roy Rubin-esque (aka Historically Bad)
The worst team in NBA history was none other than the 72-73 Sixers. They won 9 games and lost 73. That's a mere .110 winning percentage, folks. This definition may be out of reach. I'd be willing to bet the current Sixers can win more than 9 games. They're nothing like the 05-05 muscular Phoenix Suns, but I imagine they'll win at least... more than 10.
The Derrick Coleman-ation of a lousy season
I'm not so sure this one will apply either because I don't anticipate the team dealing with issues like "weight gain, lazy attitude, conduct problems and injury proneness". A veteran leader like Kwame Brown will prevent any of that from happening. Speaking of...
Kwame A River
You remember that Kwame Brown is still on the team and cry. Hey, it could have been worse, right? No, really, it could have.
A Dahk, Dahk Year
Brett Brown's Boston accent will be the only thing you enjoy, but you won't understand a word he's saying.
Consider for a moment that Spencer Hawes may be the best 3 point shooter on the team. Or at the worst, the second.
Marc Zumoff usually likes to rattle off his "Locking All Windows And Doors!" when the Sixers get a defensive stop, but I'm not sure how many of those will happen this year. Brett Brown will emphasize defense for sure, but they're simply going to be outmatched a number of times. Hence, Open All Windows And Doors.
The Philadelphia 76pointspergame-ers
The lowest points per game by a team over a season is 81.9 by Chicago in 1998-99. Considering virtually no one on the Sixers can actually shoot a basketball, I'll say this one is an applicable definition.
The other team will score a bucket. Then they will get a stop. Then they will score a bucket again. Rinse, lather, repeat.
Because the D is silent.
Fun to say and applicable to say about any bad Philly sports team, which, hey, is all of them right now!
Flatulovely - (Like trying to smile when a beautiful woman lets one slip in your car.)
I'll see myself out.