NBA Free Agent Day: Grading the New Sixers

Relax, Dorell. A "B" is nothing to sneeze at. - USA TODAY Sports

And you get a D, and you get a D, and you get a D, and you get a D.

Today is 2012 SB Nation Free Agent Theme Day (2012SBNFATD). Or, in simpler terms, the chance for me to dust off my favorite writing gimmick - grades! I will read any article which hands out grades. Draft Grades! Trade Deadline Grades! Mid-Season Grades! Ground Beef Recipe Grades! Across the SBN land today, team sites will be evaluating their off-season free agent signings. But, given the magnitude of last summer's transactions, I've decided to also include players acquired via trades.

After last night's game, I briefly considered giving everyone an F. But then I remembered that I grade on a curve.

Andrew Bynum: (Incomplete)

This year was supposed to be different. The Sixers should sitting in second place in the East, paced by our new, gargantuan center who is averaging 23 and 13 a game. There should be an oversaturation of t-shirts in the market by now - t-shirts featuring lousy Andrew Bynum-inspired word plays like "Drew-Delphia" and "Drew & Jrue Inc.: Serving the greater Philadelphia area since 2012." And where is my "Bynum Style" parody video? I was told there would be a parody video.

And, yes, I'm resigning Andrew Bynum. Absolutely. How can we not? We gave up Iguodala, Harkless, Vucevic, and a 1st round pick for Bynum; yet, he may never play a minute for the Sixers? That's like taking a girl to Olive Garden and then watching her sleep with your roommate. You're left with nothing but a doggie bag full of breadsticks and Jason Richardson.

I would offer Bynum a max contract.

I'll support him through physical therapy.

"Hey, Drew. PT's at 1. I'll swing by at 12:15. We'll make a Panera run."

I would support him through any fringe medical procedure he's considering. If Bynum, at 28, said, "You know, eff it, Dave. Enough of this rehab. I'm getting metal legs." I would be there. I would lend my support. Sure, metal legs are a risky operation, but it might be worth it. We don't know what medical advancements there will be in three years. Andrew Bynum is the best, nay, the only chance of acquiring a superstar we have. Some Western Conference team with cap space will have to pry Andrew Bynum from my sweaty hands.

A friend and I argue over Bynum's next contract all the time. He says Bynum is too brittle, too risky. But what is our alternative? Where is our superstar coming from? Is Chris Paul gonna wake up one morning and decide that he needs to raise his kids in the Pennsbury School District?

In Bynum We Trust. (Shirts available in S, M, L, XL, and XXL).

Dorell Wright: (B)

Though not technically a free agent pickup, Wright's been a nice addition this season. He's arguably the Sixers best three point shooter, hitting the triple at a 37% clip. (Turner is at 40%, albeit with fewer makes). In limited opportunities, Dorell has also filled in admirably at the back-up point guard spot; a blessing given the other point guard options on the menu. Wright has played the best of the Sixers newcomers -- an eclectic and, at times, underachieving group -- but that shouldn't diminish Dorell's season thus far. Now we're left to imagine what this team would be like with Edin Bavcic instead.

Wright is an unrestricted free agent in the off-season. I imagine his next contract hovers around that $4 million range. Would you make an offer? Let him walk?

Nick Young: (C)

We here at LB love Nick Young, the person. I look forward to the upcoming episode of Catfish, where Swaggy P tells Nev about "Sarah," a part-time model and Oncologist, who turns out to be our very own Tanner. I mean, yeah, there were warning signs. "Sarah" only has five Facebook friends, and they've never Skype'd. But when you're in love you're in love. The eventual meet-up would've been filled with Awkward Tension.

"So this was, like, all a lie? You're not really a model, are you?"

Sorry, Swaggy. I'm not. I work in human resources.

Nick Young, the player, has been pretty much what we expected. Ill-advised shot selection with a chance of Swag.

Jason Richardson: (C)

Richardson is just one of many players on this roster who are perfectly meeting the minimum requirement. J-Rich hasn't exceeded expectations, but he hasn't been a complete bust either. He has been Jason Richardson, a one-dimensional player whose attitude towards defense is like a child's towards broccoli. Richardson is hovering around his career three-point % average this season (36.1%) and has shown flashes of his leaping ability from yesteryear. But the positive returns pretty much end there. Richardson isn't the problem, but he's not part of the solution either.

Royal Ivey: (D+)

Sure, that "D+" is gonna hurt Royal's GPA. But he crushed that Intangibles 101 course last semester, brah.

Damien Wilkins: (D)

Nobody checks into the game in the waning seconds of the first half quite like Damien Wilkins.

Kwame Brown: (D)

When the Sixers acquired Kwame in the off-season, I thought the bile hurled towards the signing was excessive. I believed much of the criticism stemmed from the bust label - a former #1 pick whose actual career hasn't come close to matching the expectations bestowed upon Brown in 2001. I knew Kwame wasn't George Mikan, but he wasn't Dave Hoppen either, was he?

Well.

Kwame Brown is every bit as advertised. Defensively, he fills space. He clogs the middle. He legitimately looked good defending Dwight Howard last week. But offensively, Brown has the grace of a blind baby goat. Everything is a chore: Catching the ball. Finishing around the basket. Shooting a foul shot. It's like 9 guys are out there playing with a basketball, yet Kwame is using a medicine ball.

Brown is in the first year of a two year deal. The second year is a player option.

See ya next year, Kwam Kwam.

--

Do you agree? Disagree? Were my grades too harsh? Is there an opportunity for a re-test or extra credit? What grades would you hand out?

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