Spencer Hawes: Riding in Segways With Boys

Perfect form. - Chris Vito Twitter

Liberty Ballers was made for this post.

I always knew there was a connection between Drew Barrymore and Spencer Hawes and now it's finally clear. Spencer, he of the two-year contract and American Mullet Society, took a Segway stroll on the court during practice today. It was magical.

Though this opens up a host of jokes involving Spencer and George Oscar Bluth ("Illusions, Jrue. A trick is something a whore does for money"), I'd rather take the time to request other things for Spencer Hawes to ride. To the bullet points!

  • Hawes riding a mechanical bull.
  • Hawes riding a real bull.
  • Hawes riding on top of a Volkswagen Beetle.
  • Hawes riding his own mullet into Parliament and shooting American flags out of his nipples.
  • Hawes riding dirty.
  • Hawes in a Peter Pan costume flying to the Republican National Convention.
  • Hawes riding Kwame Brown to the ground.
  • Hawes guest-starring on New Girl as Nick's younger brother.
  • Hawes playing basketball against old people in wheelchairs. He is not in a wheelchair.
  • Hawes punch-dancing by himself on the roof of a tall building in New York City in the rain.
  • Hawes holding an entire forest up by his rear deltoids.
  • Hawes painting a 50-foot self-portrait on the side of the Wells Fargo Center.
  • Hawes riding a bicycle.
  • Hawes tweeting a Jrue Holiday dickpic.

Though as Rufos on Fire's Ben Swanson tells us, Spence isn't the first NBA player to ride a Segway. He is, however, the most Spencery player to do so.

Bless his beautiful heart.

[UPDATE]: We now have VIDEO OF IT. (H/t KJ Brophy)

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