I always knew there was a connection between Drew Barrymore and Spencer Hawes and now it's finally clear. Spencer, he of the two-year contract and American Mullet Society, took a Segway stroll on the court during practice today. It was magical.
Though this opens up a host of jokes involving Spencer and George Oscar Bluth ("Illusions, Jrue. A trick is something a whore does for money"), I'd rather take the time to request other things for Spencer Hawes to ride. To the bullet points!
- Hawes riding a mechanical bull.
- Hawes riding a real bull.
- Hawes riding on top of a Volkswagen Beetle.
- Hawes riding his own mullet into Parliament and shooting American flags out of his nipples.
- Hawes riding dirty.
- Hawes in a Peter Pan costume flying to the Republican National Convention.
- Hawes riding Kwame Brown to the ground.
- Hawes guest-starring on New Girl as Nick's younger brother.
- Hawes playing basketball against old people in wheelchairs. He is not in a wheelchair.
- Hawes punch-dancing by himself on the roof of a tall building in New York City in the rain.
- Hawes holding an entire forest up by his rear deltoids.
- Hawes painting a 50-foot self-portrait on the side of the Wells Fargo Center.
- Hawes riding a bicycle.
- Hawes tweeting a Jrue Holiday dickpic.
Though as Rufos on Fire's Ben Swanson tells us, Spence isn't the first NBA player to ride a Segway. He is, however, the most Spencery player to do so.
Bless his beautiful heart.
[UPDATE]: We now have VIDEO OF IT. (H/t KJ Brophy)