22 Days Until Sixers: Joshua Harris Encounters Ed Snider In The Wells Fargo Center

Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Yesterday, the Philadelphia Flyers fired head coach Peter Laviolette only three games into the 2013-14 season. Today, the untold story of a meeting between current Sixers owner Joshua Harris and former Sixers owner Ed Snider.

(Hours after a press conference announcing the firing of Philadelphia Flyers head coach Peter Laviolette, Ed Snider bumps into Joshua Harris in the Wells Fargo Center)

Josh Harris: Pleasant good afternoon, Ed, how is everything going?

Ed Snider: Who are you?

Harris: You do not remember me? I'm Joshua Harris, I....

Snider: Ah, now I remember you. You are the new owner of the New Jersey Devils. What exactly are you doing here? Am I going to have to call the cops for trespassing?

Harris: Well, I'm also the head of the new ownership of the Philadelphia 76ers.

Snider: The who?

Harris: Philadelphia's local major professional basketball team. I purchased them from you, sir.

Snider: Oh. I forgot about them. How is everything going?

Harris: Everything is going great. Two days ago we played our first pre-season game in Bilbao against the local team.

Snider: You played with dildos?!? The last time I played with a dildo I....

(Harris, out of fear, abruptly cuts Snider off)

Harris: Oh I did not need that visual in my mind. Bilbao. We played in Bilbao. It is a city in Spanish city in the Biscay province. We won 106-104 and believe we are on the verge of building something truly special.

Snider: Only winning by two points against a foreign team appears to be enough evidence that things may not be going as well as you think. Have you considered firing your head coach?

Harris: Well, honestly, no, I have not considered firing Brett Brown. We are working toward building for the future and no single game is a large enough sample size to determine if the product we see on the court is the product we want on the court throughout the season.

Snider: From one fabulously wealthy executive to another, I cannot accept this way of thinking. If you have a gut feeling or if you see something you do not like, you have to make changes and you have to make them immediately. You have to let the players know you cannot stand for anything worse than championship level performance. The moment you see things may be amiss, you have to make a change. Because otherwise if that problem festers it becomes a cancer, and you cannot allow cancers permeating your team.

Harris: I understand fixing problems, but you need more data to analyze the situations. Basing decisions small sample observations is a horrible way to run a business. There are times when change will be needed and change can be good, but making snap judgments like firing a coach after one pre-season game is not an ideal way to run a professional sports team.

Snider: Well, you're wrong. It absolutely is, and let me explain. I observed how poorly Peter Laviolette's training camp was run. Did you know that this year's training camp was worse than the early-90s training camps? I know. I saw them with my eyes. And then this season's start? Did you see how awful the Flyers were in those three games? Did you see how lost they looked? I swear, they looked more lost than Ilya Bryzgalov in some Russian forest with an unnecessarily elongated name. So you what I did? I had Paul Holmgren fire the bastard!

Harris: Oh. My. Wow. That's....extreme. If you were so concerned about Laviolette, why not fire him in the off-season?

Snider: I wanted to give him one last chance. And he blew it.

Harris: In training camp, pre-season, and three games. He blew a perfectly clean slate?

Snider: Absolutely. I saw enough to know that the past is the past and Laviolette can never improve and turn things around now. I want to win another Stanley Cup before I die and if something shows itself to be not working for a week or two, I am switching it up. It's the only logical way.

(Snider pulls a mirror out of his suit jacket, admires himself while muttering under his breath, "I'm Snooki.")

Snider: But enough about me, you should probably get ride of that Bert Black guy. You have to look within your organization for a Bart Beige replacement. How about the guy I hired a few years ago, Doug Collins?

Harris: Doug Collins resigned at the end of last season.

Snider: Building your brand is important. Much like I have done with Flyers Hockey, you need to do with Sixers Basketball. Take a stance, establish your brand, and never deviate from it. It is never too late to bring Collins back. Or how about Larry Brown as a stopgap coach for Kwame Brown?

Harris: We are quite satisfied with Brett Brown and will not be releasing him from his duties any time soon. His primary role initially will be focusing on player development and getting the most out of the young assets we have accumulated, and thus far I have been pleased with what I have seen. I appreciate your input, but I trust Sam Hinkie's ability to find his guy and I trust him implicitly to make wise decisions regarding the coaching position moving forward.

Snider: I know the feeling. I trust Paul Holmgren to do everything I tell him to.

Harris: Well, it was great seeing you again, Ed. I hope all goes well with the Flyers and I will probably see you again around the Wells Fargo Center this year!

Snider: Sure thing, John, it was great seeing you again as well. Take care!

(Ed Snider and Josh Harris go their separate ways. Suddenly, Snider turns back towards Harris, shouting so Harris can hear him)

Snider: Hey, Jim! What about Allen Iverson for head coach?

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