Your Philadelphia Walking Dead characters!!

(Warning: This Fanpost will spoil a great deal of the popular TV zombiefest known as the Walking Dead, so if you don't want to know crucial moments in the show I suggest you stop reading right now. The first season (6 eps.) of the show is on Netflix streaming, and the second season should be coming out on DVD soon. Its a couple steps down from the Breaking Bads, Louies, and [obviousMikeLevinpandering] HIMYMs [/obviousMikeLevinpandering] of the TV universe, but it can be a good time, both for the good moments and idiotic.)



Credit goes to the LB twitter feed for bringing up the Breaking Bad/Sixers comparisons Thursday afternoon.

The Sixers share a lot of common with the ragtag zombie-killing crew (the name walkers is stupid). Despite not having a great well-rounded superstar and many, many moments of stupidity, they somehow manage to survive and outlast a numerous amount of....even dumber people. But if the Sixers were forced to roam the hills of Georgia, who would they be?

Evan Turner = Shane Walsh

The hotheaded gunner of the crew who's never afraid to take the shot. Seems pretty trustworthy until you figure out he shot a dude in the leg and left him to die (likes the Backstreet Boys). Has a funky kinda accent going on. Rest of crew (front office) is still waiting to see if he can be trusted. If not, they may ditch or kill him (let him walk in free agency).

Jrue Holiday = Rick Grimes

The leader of the crew. Not because they're great or anything, but because there's no one else in the crew of capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time (running the offense). Every once in a while they'll show glimpses of superstardom, like kill two dudes front and behind him in a matter of seconds (execute a pretty spin move into a layup in the lane). Eminently likable to anyone who comes across him. Isn't afraid to make crucial decisions that other crew members aren't willing to make, like KILL LITTLE ZOMBIFIED SOPHIA OH MY GOD (getting to the line at the end of games).

Spencer Hawes = Andrea

A bumbling, stumbling mess. Leaves viewers wishing her cute little sister (Vucevic) were still alive instead of her. Spent night crying and holding the dead body of little sister (Dubya). A decent shooter when standing still (catch and shoot) but a disaster when the target's moving (jumping). Embarrassed self when they shot at a fellow crewmate's head and grazed their head (blocked by the rim).

Lavoy Allen = Lori Grimes

Was a housewife (Temple Owl) that no one thought much of before the apocalypse began. Solid defender. Follows directions from others but can't really improvise (create their own offense). Just got pregnant (resigned to 2 year, 6 million dollar deal) and now becomes a curious asset.

Thad Young = Glenn (This was tough)

Everyone likes him. Is always sent to run dangerous errands (sixth man). Was involved in trying to rope a zombie so that the crew could pull it out of the well (I have no comparison for this; just thought that was galactically stupid) Might be a little overvalued since everyone enjoys his company so much.

Jason Richardson = Daryl

Reliable member of the time because of his hunting ability (three-point shooting). Not much of a people person (only averaged more than 2 ASTs a game once in the past 6 years).

Kwame Brown = The Barn Zombies

Kept locked inside the barn so that they can do as little damage as possible (end of the bench, hopefully). Only kept alive because in case a cure turns up (he can still rebound!). All of us hope they can return to human form (unforeseen potential), but it's only a matter of time until the doors must be opened and they get executed (Um, traded?).

Maalik Wayns = Ed

The second he turns up on screen, everyone wishes he die ASAP (cut). He also beats his wife (he went to 'Nova). Maybe one practice Evan will get tired of his chucking and beat him into a bloody pulp.

Royal Ivey = T-Dog

We almost always forget he's still alive, and then he shows up and says a few words (does nothing of note). Then he goes away and we forget he exists again. Rinse and repeat.

Andrew Bynum = Michonne

I was gonna make him Tony, the survivor played by Michael Raymond-James (R.I.P. Terriers) who prepositions Rick into joining the gang but gets a bullet in his head for his trouble. But the bullet in the head thing isn't foreshadowing I'm comfortable with, so he's Michonne, the ultra-super-godlike badass who shows up in the next season and eviscerates every zombie in her path. She keeps a pair of zombie pets for amusement because, y'know, pressure makes diamonds.

Dorell Wright = Maggie

Don't know what her purpose is. Other than the fact she's pretty. Might surprise me one day at how useful she can be.

Swaggy P = Carl Grimes

Not the sharpest decision-maker. Needs to be coddled at all times (Told to not shoot that much). Good at choosing hats. I'm sure he'd be a snazzy dresser if the world wasn't going to s**t.

Arnett Moultrie = Carol

I'm sure she'll have a purpose someday. But chances are she's getting zombie-neckbit sooner or later.

Doug Collins - Dale

Acts like a father figure to the crew. Does not trust Shane (Evan) to handle weapons (too many minutes). Gets overemotional at times and that eventually leads to his demise.


Elton Brand (Hershel) - Old Man Chevy

Samuel Dalembert (Randall) - Just awkward in every way.

Larry Hughes (That Dumbass That Hung Himself Because He Got Bit But Just Ended Up As a Zombie Hanging From a Tree) - Just a giant Fail in every way.

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