Hello and welcome to the one and only Liberty Ballers Mock Draft!
WARNING: This isn't your typical mock draft. Instead of a BORING mock featuring actual NBA prospects, is a YOUNG AND EXCITING mock LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This mock draft features actual LB commenters/members along with EXCLUSIVE scouting reports, BEST CASE / WORST CASE comparisons, BULLETED LISTS of STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES, RANDOMLY (or at least that's what they tell me) HYPERLINKED words, AND EVEN MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Before you click the jump (wait, you're telling me you already did? YOU SONOVAB----) I'd like to explain something. As you may or may have not noticed, I have mentioned before that I am putting a special project together for LB once the NBA season was over. For those of you who doubted I would keep my promise, you would be wise to never forget a Lannister always pays his debts. This special project will provide as -a series of nonsense fluff pieces- quality summer reading during the dead time in the off-season. I have decided this project will be done in multiple phases... so congratulations! This is phase one. Hope you enjoy!]
TIME TO JUMP
... if you dare ...
DISCLAIMER: The order that the LB commenters appear in was determined by a random generator and is in no way fixed, despite rumors that the Illuminati were involved. Also: material written in this post is meant to be for fun... I'm not trying to offend any of you on purpose. (AS FAR AS YOU KNOW)
With the first overall pick in the 2012 LB Mock Draft, the New Orleans Hornets select...
#1 - NEW ORLEANS HORNETS - Derek Bodner
Best Case: Derek Jeter
Worst Case: Derek from Step Brothers
- Writer for many different NBA related sites
- Experienced veteran
- Supporter of all Philly sports teams
- Credentialed Sixers reporter
- Network Administration
- Advocate of fictional stats
- Questionable commitment - can't commit to writing for only one site
- Juan Pierre
The Hornets get a difference maker from day one in Derek Bodner. His cool, calm, and collected manner will be an asset to this struggling team. His analytical prowess and scouting talents will serve to improve New Orleans' front office, which just proves that he's a one of a kind prospect. Versatile off the charts! Hidden powers! Router RIP, son!
#2 - CHARLOTTE BOBCATS - yosoysean
Best Case: Sean Connery
Worst Case: Shawn Green
- Part time jobs
- Team Fortress 2
The Bobcats suck. But now they can suck in style with this new addition! Yosoysean brings important an important veteran beard presence to this abysmal team. Some may seem debt as a concern with this prospect, but the fact that he's from the great county of Bucks more than makes up for that. His anti-alcoholism will ensure he doesn't jeopardize the team with any terrible drunken photos of himself.
#3 - WASHINGTON WIZARDS - Justin F.
Best Case: Justin Verlander
Worst Case: Justin Beiber
- Casual basketball fan
- L183RTY 8@LL3R5 N00B
Possibly the first "shocker" in this mock. Justin F is a boom or BUST!!!!! prospect that we haven't seen enough out of yet to know for sure how he'll perform in the pros. But it's the Wizard, so... lololol (PS: Sorry Justin)
#4 - CLEVELAND CAVALIERS - Ben16
Best Case: Breaking Benjamin
Worst Case: Ben10
- Lover of history
- TRADER TO ARE CITY
- Illegal streams
Despite what you may say, Zumoff, there is nothing CAVALIER about this pick. Ben hails from the great city of Harrisburg, which is also where stud RB LeSean "Shady" McCoy (<3333333333333) is from. This, along with his outstanding loyal to LB, makes him a top prospect. The only thing that brings him down is that he wants to escape to the West Coast.
#5 - SACRAMENTO KINGS - jefu
Best Case: Jefferson Airplane
Worst Case: Jeff Foxworthy
- Lover of LeQuan Glover
- A small fishing boat
jefu is a good value pick here for the Kings. His Master-y in teaching will make the Kings a smarter team. Yet another veteran presence. Love of LQ scares teams that value transition points away from this prospect.
#6 - PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS - RickoT
Best Case: Ricko
Worst Case: Ricko
#7 - GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS - Tanner Steidel
Best Case: Danny Tanner
Tanner Johnson (son of Randy Johnson)
Worst Case: 13668 Tanner
- Full House
- Paul George
- Shoe knowledge
- Taco Clouds
- THE SIXERS ALWAYS LOSE WHEN HE POSTS THE GAMETHREAD*
*(Possibly a good thing if they're tanking).
Tanner fits the GSW very well. Shoe stylin', pop culture references, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, etc, etc, etc.
#8 - TORONTO RAPTORS - soman319
Best Case: Sohil
Worst Case: Sohail
- Awkward tension
- GYM GRIND
- Coolest member of LB (disputed)
- Awkward tension
#9 - DETROIT PISTONS - KJ Brophy
Best Case: Kenny McCormick
Worst Case: Kenny Chesney
- The Rock
Former LEGEND Kenny will bring his passionate love of the Oregon Ducks and WWE to Detroit, for better or for worse.
#10 - NEW ORLEANS - dweebowitz
Best Case: Stuart Little
Worst Case: Stuart Scott
- Chicken noodle soup!
- Being a good parent
- Natalie Portman
- Spencer Hawes
- LeQuan Glover
- Overcooked cauliflower
How did dweeb fall this far? Never mind that now - he'll really help New Orleans keep pesky kids off his lawn!
#11 - PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS - TwistyWristy
Best Case: Sheldon Brown
Worst Case: Sheldon Cooper
- Remixing songs
- Writing pseudocode
- All-Defensive playground blacktop team
- Being successful
TW's defensive skill set is bar none. Good pick here.
#12 - MILWAUKEE BUCKS - Michael Levin
Best Case: Michael Scott
Worst Case: Michael McDonald
- Talent Agency Extraordinaire
- THE BOSS
- Low usage rate
- Peanut allergy
RISKY PICK! High potential, but will he ever reach it? Poop jokes aplenty either way!
#13 - PHOENIX SUNS - Jordan Sams
Best Case: Michael Jordan
Worst Case: Jordan Sparks
- Health - he needs not the calories
- Backyard baseball avatars
- Food p0rn
- Dallas Cowboys fan
- Fan of the Cowboys
- Dallas Cowboys
- Cowboys Dallas
- Tony Romo
- The Houston Astros
- Did I mention the Cowboys?
Jordan is yet another steal in this draft. Too bad he's a Cowboys fan! (booing ensues)
#14 - HOUSTON ASTROS - Dave Rueter
Best Case: Dave Matthews Band
Worst Case: Dave and Busters
- Neshaminy Mall
- OWES ME MONEY
SCREW THE ANALYSIS - I want my $5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#15 - PHILADELPHIA
The Sixers select PhiladelphiaEagles!!!
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(To those of you who didn't make the cut, I sincerely apologize. There are many amazing LBers that deserved to be in this mock, but were left off due to time constraints on my part. Sorry once again!)
Do you agree with the picks? Are the scouting reports accurate?! Could you do them better??!! Can this punctuation get any more excessive?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? NO!!?!??!?!??!!??!?!?!!!?!!????!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!??!?!? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Thanks for reading! Leave your thoughts in the comments!