Miami Heat Host Sixers to Kill Us All

Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

The Miami Heat are jerks. In what is clearly a bias against the city of Philadelphia and all it stands for (Brotherly Love, cheesesteaks, Utley, etc.), they've not only won 13 of their last 14 head-to-head matchups against the Sixers - including a 4-1 First Round loss last May - they've just intentionally thrown a game against the Celtics, allowing them to maintain the division lead and set up a potential 7-2 (off-suit) rematch this time around. Big, honking, Dexter-watching jerks.

LeBron James, who has as many championships as Dongaila and Toastioni, tallied exactly as many assists against the Celtics as I did because he's a ballhog that thinks he's Kobe. Norris Cole took 11 shots, obviously to give Miami the smallest chance of winning the game. Avery Bradley even had 13 points and he doesn't even play offense! Kid didn't break halfcourt all game. Jerks, I tell you.

Tonight, the Sixers will hope a freshly RAW'd Evan Turner and Spencer Hawes can return to form because a loss puts them even closer to the 8-seed Knicks, who face the Pacers tonight. Gotta pull for the Knicks in this one, for a number of reasons. One, the Pacers are 2 games up and if the Sixers can't win the division, a 5th or 6th seed would be fine. And two, the Bulls are a better matchup for the Sixers anyway so if they fall back into the 8th seed, that's not the worst thing in the world. Really, the Sixers just can't finish in the 7th seed again if they want to have any shot at a competitive series. Knowing that fact, better book your flights to Miami now because it's borderline guaranteed that these guys will find a way to play each other. Continuity!

The Sixers did a really nice job on the boards against the Hawks a few nights ago. Keeping Dwyane Wade off the glass will be key - he's hit double figures on rebounds in 4 of his last 7 games against the Sixers. More topically, the Sixers shot a lovely 91.7% at the rim against Atlanta, but only got there 12 times. Meanwhile, they went 5-21 on long two's. HOW MANY TIMES MUST WE SAY STOP TAKING LONG TWO'S?!? If there is anyone in the world reading this that can affect the Sixers shot locations, please take heed. 91.7% > 23.9%. GET TO THE RIM.

Game thread will be up later, stick around for what will assuredly be our inevitable destruction.

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