Sixers Vs. Bulls: Sipping the Playoff Kool-Aid

HEY YOU! OVER HERE!

I'm worried. I'm like, really really worried. With the exception of this brief moment of insanity, I stayed hilariously even-keeled in my expectations for the Sixers this season. They are a mediocre team with mediocre players and a mediocre coach. I didn't want them to make the playoffs. You remember. But since they did, and there's no going back, I'm dangerously close to believing they can beat the Chicago Bulls in a 7-game series.

Somebody hold me.

Maybe it's because I've been reading SO MUCH about how the Sixers have no chance. Like in this terrific Andrew Sharp SBN Playoff Preview:

All those people arguing against gutting your roster and openly tanking have clearly not been watching the Hawks for the past five years ... Or the Sixers.

Derrick Rose been battered all year, and even if he can (sorta) coast through a first-round series against the dysfunctional Sixers, surviving an extended playoff run is going to be a whole lot tougher.

Both of those things are true. And the pessimist (or maybe it's the optimist?) in me says that getting blown out of the water in four games would do wonders for this franchise moving forward. Part of me is still spitefully hoping for that.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WIN?! The thought is creeping into my head like the white walkers in Commander Mormont's quarters at the Wall. Its wet paws are tickling my brain canals and licking my ears. WHAT IF THEY DO IT?! I can't stop thinking about it. And the more I think about it, the more reasonable it seems. Which of course makes me an insane person.

Writing the "The Sixers are Probably Going to Win the NBA Championship" article last night was satire of course, but midway through I was all - "sure, this is all plausible." NO IT'S NOT MIKE GET YOUR POOP TOGETHER. But what if it is? IT'S NOT! It could be. IT'S NOT JESUS. Once they're dead, we takes it. WE TAKES IT ONCE THEY'RE DEAD!

Facts:

  • The Sixers (when trying) have won four straight games. Including a legitimately good win over the Pacers.
  • D-Rose is at least partially injured.
  • The Bulls were 2-1 in the season series but the Sixers actually have the edge in point differential.
  • The Sixers were terrible in late game situations and in close games but HOLY HELL ARE THEY DUE.
  • The Bulls are not the Heat.
  • Someone dunked my head in heroin-laced Kool-Aid.

Listen. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sorry to have disappointed all of my fellow tankers. But I'm excited for tomorrow. Like, really excited. We're the first game, and since it's early and our guys got some rest, I think a fast start is possible. A Jodie Meeks three, an Andre Iguodala breakaway dunk...we could be talking about something. Plus, you never know what can happen in the playoffs.

OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING TO ME.

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