Whose got eight seed fever? I do, baby.
With the Wizards win over the Liberty Bucks, the Sixers now have a Tongan Death Grip on the Eastern Conference's final playoff spot. And I'm stoked. The Sixers got those overachieving Bulls right where they want ‘em. They're just playing possum. Or opossum. They're lulling Chicago into a false sense of security - like when Hulk Hogan's arm drops twice in the sleeper hold. The Sixers aren't really asleep. I'm almost positive of it.
Everyone knows the regular season is meaningless. It's a glorified commercial break really. Never mind that the Sixers are 7-13 in their last twenty games, and have been recently pummeled by Toronto, Washington, Boston, San Antonio, Orlando, and the Deering High Tornadoes. If pressed, I could provide perfectly logical reasons for all of those losses (long lines at the border, jet lag, Disney World, back-to-back games, a streaky Julie Connor), but I shouldn't have to. The regular season is just filler content. We're talking playoffs now. It's a whole new ball game, every team starts with a clean slate, the series doesn't start until someone loses at home, et al.
So preorder your Sixers playoff tickets today! Soon, you'll be able to tell your loved ones that you were there. You were there when Spencer Hawes parlayed five playoff games into a six year/$65 million contract extension.
Ticket agents are standing by.