Sixers Beat Pistons: "Pick on someone your own size"

In a game that saw Detroit play just 6 players all night while watching their heartily disliked coach get ejected, the Sixers 29th victory came at one of the most boring games of the season. Video of Tracy McGrady laughing about it below.

Yes, this W brought their record to .500 for the first time in 133 games. Yes, Thaddeus Young and Andre Iguodala threw down dunk after dunk in the very open court against an awful Pistons defense. Against what is fast becoming the worst franchise in basketball, the Sixers took care of business pretty easily. Although a big ol' tophat's off to Will Bynum for hustling like crazy all night. But this game wasn't fair. It had all the feeling of a preseason game.

So instead of a normal recap with bullet points, I decided to honor reaching the .500 mark a little differently after the jump. Hit the jump to find out what I mean.

In years past, we've compared the Sixers with Arrested Development and LOST. With the Oscars coming out on Sunday, the Best Picture nominees are popping up everywhere. So what if each Sixers player was one of these films? Since the Sixers have 14 players and there are only 10 nominees, I had to add 4. Let's get crazy.

Elton Brand - The King's Speech

Elton appeals to the older audience. While he doesn't have a speech impediment, I imagine he'll dress and act quite a bit like Geoffrey Rush when he gets older. I'd also like to believe that Geoffrey has as good of a mid-range game. Like The King's Speech as the frontrunner to win Best Picture, Elton is statistically the MVP of the team this year.

Jrue Holiday - The Social Network

He's young, he's fresh, he's new. When he came out of school, people thought he'd be crap because of what he did at UCLA behind Darren Collison. With David Fincher's Social Network, they advertised the movie as a popcorn Facebook movie and people (me) thought it would be popcorn and trash. Some think that Jrue is the team MVP - some think this movie deserves Best Picture. Also, I'm pretty sure The Social Network was just one big advertisement for Fruity Pebbles.

Andre Iguodala - Inception

Ah yes, Andre. Both underappreciated for their tremendous visual effects, both made into something they are not by circumstances and the media. Andre with his dazzling versatility, Nolan with the relatively flawless combination of concept and execution. And the consensus is that both Andre and Inception were overpaid. In a less narcissistic world, Andre and Inception get the MVP/Oscar.

Evan Turner - The Kids Are All Right

No, Evan is not a lesbian. Yes, I think Mark Ruffalo is dreamy (especially in 13 Going on 30!). This one is for the title alone. Let him chill for a minute or two -- ET will be all right come his sophomore season in the NBA. Mia Wasikowska is terrific.

Spencer Hawes - Black Swan

While Hawes and the Swan are both visually disturbing and difficult to watch, both get the job done. Hawes is a better rebounder than he's given credit for, and Aronovsky's script isn't dwarfed by the heightened visual aspects of the film. Rumor has it that Spencer's favorite movie is Requiem for a Dream. Can't confirm.

Darius Songaila - Winter's Bone

Dong and Bone! Get it?! Also, the setting of the movie is in the cold winter of the Ozark Mountains. Dongaila is from Lithuania. Pretty sure that's cold.

Thaddeus Young - 127 Hours

James Franco (as Aron Ralston) cuts off his arm after being trapped for 127 hours at the bottom of a canyon. Thad doesn't have a right hand to go to on the basketball court. I'd give Best Actor to Franco -- Charles Barkley considers Young the team MVP. See the connection?

Louis Williams - Burlesque

Cher has a lower usage rate than Lou does. Christina Aguilera is better than Lou at basketball. Lou is awful. So was this movie. Done.

Jodie Meeks - Secretariat

While the movie isn't very good, people like rooting for an underdog. Similarly, Jodie isn't very good, but he starts because he can stretch the floor and he's a sweetheart. Secretariat is probably a bench option on a roster of good movies. Jodie won't be winning any MVPs or Best Pictures anytime soon.

Jason Kapono - The Fighter

Does Jason Kapono look like Mark Wahlberg? I don't know. Should he? Absolutely.

Tony Battie - RED

You knew this was coming. Battie is definitely less of a B.A. than Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, and John Malkovich, but probably equal to Helen Mirren, so I'll go with this. I could have also gone with Grown Ups.

Marreese Speights - How to Train Your Dragon

Mo's got all this talent and skill and nowhere to put it together on the basketball court. Dragons are fast and cool-looking but typically you don't see them in a society. Mo is a dragon. Speezy Sed it was so.

Andres Nocioni - True Grit

If I need to explain this to you, you shouldn't be reading this blog.

Craig Brackins - Toy Story 3

Like how Andy doesn't use his toys when he goes off to college, Doug Collins doesn't use Craig...ever. I also have confirmation that Brackins cried at the end of the movie. He has a soul.

--

Hope you guys enjoyed my very thorough recap! Happy .500 day!

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