The Dong for Best Zumoffism Goes to...

So it's been a while, but the Dong voting is back on track. After Ricko took home the Dong for "Best Meme" and his world-shaking creation of bucket=stop=bucket, next up is the category for Best Zumoffism. The Zu' has been a staple in Philadelphia 76ers basketball since the days of Prism and he's had his share of memorable moments. With those moments have come catch phrases that strike a cord in the hearts of us all.

1. "Locking all windows and doors"

With the easy-access abbreviation of LAWAD, the Sixers defense has been shutting teams out of their house since Zumoff has been around. It seems like it's gotten stronger in recent years, however. Does anything get the crowd pumped up more than a LAWAD reference? Possibly not. Nobody can lock all windows and doors like Andre Iguodala -- I think he's got a master key. Louis Williams and Marreese Speights are hardly locksmiths.

2. "Fighting the good fight"

There's nothing like a tenacious offensive rebounding segment to get me going. And when Elton Brand (or erstwhile Clarence Weatherspoon) battles down low, they are fighting the good fight. Defenders are the enemy and only our fight is the good one.

3. "On the see-saw"

Typically we don't hear about the see-saw until at least midway through the third quarter, though Marc has been known to occasionally drop a playground reference in the first half. Imagine entire teams playing each other on the see-saw -- it's a much more pleasant image than sweaty men running up and down the court. Although I don't know if they make see-saws that big anymore, it may be implausible.

4. "Turning garbage into gold"

A Reggie Evans favorite, this is also an offensive rebounding reference but a more casual one. The emphasis on "garbage" by Zumoff's inflection is key in getting the excitement across. Spencer Hawes and Thaddeus Young have had a few TGIG's this year as well.

5. "Dirty dancing"

The most overtly sexual of Zumoff's stock sayings, this has less to do with Patrick Swayze than you think. It could have to do with a ball-handler making moves at the top of the key, or it may be a cutter slashing down the lane for an easy two. Either way, someone is dancing and it is quite dirty.

I predict Marc Zumoff will win this award. We'll have another one of these tomorrow so we can get to all the categories by Oscar Sunday. Dong it up!

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