VIDEO: David Stern Brings Chainsaw to Labor Negotiations, Shows Off 42-inch Vertical

I'm quadruple-dipping since I already posted this on SB Nation Philly, New York and Boston, but it was too much of a gem not to post on my favorite website of all-time. Also, I just wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive and that Tanner, Michael, Derek and myself still get together every Wednesday night in our Jrue Holiday shirsey-onesies, discuss our top 10 naps of all time and watch old school Allen Iverson crossover mixes until we all fall asleep in the same sleeping bag. We'll get through this lockout, you guys! New ownership, young players, Elton Brand's contract slowly coming off the books. We're in good shape! Love you guys! And remember, don't bring a machete to a chainsaw fight!

/endlovefest

--

I've read hundreds of articles, blog posts and tweets trying to explain the Lockout, and even written a few myself. But it wasn't until I stumbled across this video by Taiwan's Next Media Animation that I fully understood what was going on. It all makes sense now. Here's what I learned from the 90 second video:

  • Goaltending rules do not apply to David Stern.
  • White men can't jump ... unless they're David Stern.
  • LeBron takes the "King James" mantra seriously, and wears a crown 24/7, even while cooking pizza with Derek Fisher
  • David Stern handles a chainsaw better than you'd expect.
  • Speaking of, someone needs to tell Derek Fisher that he brought a machete to a chainsaw fight.
  • When the Pistons eventually get contracted David Stern will weep like Rocky after Micky died in Rocky III.
  • Time Warner Cable is a woman.
  • LeBron's game doesn't translate in Taiwan. 
  • "LONG LIVE THE LOCKOUT!"

Make the jump to watch the entire video.

NBA lockout spoils start of 2011 season (via NMAWorldEdition)

(H/T NESN)

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Liberty Ballers

You must be a member of Liberty Ballers to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Liberty Ballers. You should read them.

Join Liberty Ballers

You must be a member of Liberty Ballers to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Liberty Ballers. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker